The Treachery of my conviction

There is a certain condition that befuddles the common of man, and even more those of the Christian faith. The path to Romantic and marital unity has shown itself to be an ever essential goal marred with some of the most burdensome crosses.

We hear so much advices, and so much encouragement in engaging in that path, but likewise, we are so often equipped with the mostly heavy restrictions as a package of what no to do.

Where to search, how to search and what to search have converged into a web of such entangled blurry line, that those that were supposed to lead have found their way trapped into the enemy prisons of adultery, sexual addiction, divorces and never ending celibacy.

If the Christian man first quest is Eternal life in paradise, the close second is romantic Love amidst Earthly desires; Maybe this is why we say that God is Love, since those who search Love are told to go to God, while those who go to God hope that He will bring them Love.

Navigating along the lines of the forbidden to achieve the seemingly elusive is a test to anyone's conviction in light of promises and words of faith. Impossible to detach from one another, yet restraining one another.

Even I, who although not the best among the saints, but nonetheless not one to be called a Damned has found myself puzzled by this adventure in which you always seem to do that wrong thing while trying to avoid the sinful thing. Even those who have achieved the ultimate goal have spent so much time searching that they no longer know how to explain what it takes to get there...they simply don't seem to understand.

This is the treachery of my conviction, the feeling that my faith is a hindrance in achieving that goal. A total confusion in which I have lost the sense of where does God stand, and what He expect of me. How far can I go before He takes over, or how much should I give to let him operate.

In a room surrounded by beautiful creatures, I know that there is an angel to save me; however, I have lost the ability to recognize the angel from the demon...

7 things I learned about women

Women, we try to love them for what we would like them to be, what we think they ought to be, what we perceive they want to be, and about anything except what they are, and what they say they are. two of the toughest things in life are 1- finding truth in the word of the Devil, and 2- understanding women.

Without attempting to speak for them, here are nonetheless 7 things I have observed about women:

1. They do have wandering eyes

Men often get a harsh treatment for having "wandering eyes", and they spend too much time trying to defend themselves that they forget that their accuser is actually a master of multi-tasking. Pay close attention and you will realize that your woman notices other men, other women and if you notice other women as well...all at the same time. While you are so caught up trying to "Ninja-up" your looking technique, your woman has already noticed the cute guy by the bar, the hot girl who may be a threat, and the athletic babe with a hot body she envy...all that while noticing which one of the two girls you are drooling at...you may be a pig, but she's the one with real wandering eyes.

2. They Love sex more than we do

All men think about is sex...men's brain is between their legs...men get such a bad rap for their presumed excessive libido. It seems that the dance is about men trying, and women attempting to restrain the appetite. And when a man finally achieves his goal, they say he got lucky...the fascinating thing is that for all the "Women can live without sex, men can't", it is impressive that once we hit the sack, suddenly the expert is not the one who constantly "think" about sex, but the one who seemingly is always saying No to it. Let's face it, women end up being technically superior, creatively dominant and extremely perfectionist when it comes to sex to just casually think about it...next time you see your girlfriend wash glasses, sweep the floor, pump the gas in the car...believe there is a sexual thought somewhere...and if it wasn't for a childlike demanding attitude and fragile ego...they'd admit it...they love sex more than we do.

3. They can eat

For all the education that young men receive about treating women, Food provides the biggest surprise. Open the door for them, Check. Pick up items that fall on the floor for them, Check. Pull the chair at dinner, ask for a dance, compliment her dress, offer flowers, etc...all good. Food is ready, Ladies first... Wake up call!!!!! ladies first because it is assumed that women don't eat that much, ladies first because it is assumed that if men go first, women will starve....yeah right. I had a few open-eyes experience to know that "Food is ready, Ladies first" can be gastronomic suicide. After all, they eat when they're sad, they eat when they're stressed, they eat when happy, and of course they eat when hungry...a good lady don't eat much is a defense mechanism...why do you think they're always dieting...don't be fooled...Women can eat like the best of us.

4. They can be vain

Three things I am sure women cannot leave without: the cellphone, chocolate and mirrors. Obsessed with their look, concerned by the look of others, incapable to walk next to a reflective surface without posing to check themselves out...they have two feet, but request a zillion shoes. The love story between women and their appearance is well chronicled. They'll tell you "every women is obsess with one part of her body that she hates"...yeah, ok, but that leaves pretty much 99% of herself that she adores. Think about it, a beautiful woman by a man's side is a trophy, a good looking man by a woman's side is an accessory: good enough to be paraded and showed off, but tame enough not to overshadow the glory of madam. A beautiful woman is the greatest achievement of a man, a good looking man is another tool a woman uses to make other women jealous and enhance her own Charisma....oh vanity.

5. They can redefine what stealing is:

A woman is a prize to be conquered, a man a property to be stolen...When a man sees something he likes that someone else has, he hopes to get the same. A woman will hope to possess the very object of her desire. A man attempt to emulate, a woman strive to substitute. Men are often viewed as ultra competitive, but in truth, women are more competitive, they just tend to get real nasty in doing so that it's better to keep it "in the closet". Women can subtly take over your entire life right under your nose and you'll never realize, you'll just find yourself living for them. Men and their macho nature wants the audience when they're in a quest, and the acclaim when they succeed; Women...they are like cold blooded snakes, subtle, sneaky, controlling things from behind the scene...no wonder that behind every great man, there is a great woman; and behind every fallen man, there is also a great woman who took him down...don't knock yourself Tiger, at the top or not, a woman would take the credit...

6. So greedy

The only thing that women like better than making their own money is spending the man's money. Women will complain about the professional glass ceiling, the disparity in salaries and economic independence; however, they never see a problem with women get in free before midnight, women drink free all night, child support, alimony, etc...when it suits them, they are an economic force to be reckoned with, and in other times, the poor female victim that is so dependent on her man...leave it to them to prop up the ego of the male, and when expenses comes, he proudly pulls out his wallet...and when that day comes where he is caught with a bimbo half his age...the good ol lady is financially secured with her saving, and extra cash from whatever punishment our philandering yahoo is getting...smart, very smart...but I'm a guy..so I say GREEDY....

7. A violent nature

Yeah...like I'm going to go there...safety first....

In conclusion, that creature that we call woman is far from perfect, actually she shares many of the shortcomings she accuses man of having. What is also worth learning from all this is that women do not necessarily enjoy being on diets all the time, or depriving themselves from a succulent chocolate cake. Walking on heels is not necessarily comfortable and healthy for your toes. Going to the hairdresser, doing manicure, makeups takes time and is not an innate knowledge. Clothes, shoes and accessory cost money and the best looking ones are not necessarily the most comfy ones...having to debate with oneself if natural desires such as sex, attraction, companionship, intimacy are within the framework of social acceptance and standard can be like solving a complicated equation...yet woman do that all day, for years...they do it for themselves and for us...most of the time for us, so we may have the decency to notice the effort and time spent, and even if it doesn't lead anywhere, we can at least have the merit of telling them something like :"nice dress miss, you look beautiful today".

They may brush it off, not answer, ignore you or simply tell you that they are not interested right away...but for all the effort put in trying to look beautiful, at least they'll pursue their day with the satisfaction that at least the discomfort, and the effort was not in vain. They will leave feeling a lot better about themselves that the few seconds before they met you...this I know much...Looking good ladies.

The Seven deadly Sins of Relationships: Conclusion

One of the great things about being single is sandwiched between the desperate loneliness of the hopeless romantic, and the almost criminal careless behavior of the serial dater; that stage is the arrogant condition of the hopeful single.

Many single people find their refuge in the aspiration of finding the right person, and the comfort of not having made the mistakes of those who took the plunge. What is viewed as a lack of guts in the serial dater team, is associated with reckless insouciance from the hopeless romantic team; in other words, we are talking about the independent in the political analogy to dating, those who have mastered the art of inaction.

After taking a good look at the 7 deadly sins of Relationships, I have amazingly found my Polidating party. We, the proud members of the inactive wing are like political pundits: We are expert observer who make detailed analysis about what the others are doing wrong (or right), but in spite of that, we are still not qualified to assume their position.

What made it easy to reflect and observe the things that ruin a relationship and the pitfalls that can be avoided is none other that the reality of being on the fence. After all, fans and supporter are always the ones to have a good idea about what their team is doing wrong, however few of them are actually capable of playing.

Not to dismiss the observations which I am convinced do play a great role in helping and destroying relationships, I have just realize that like a double-edge sword, they do offer another angle at this type of single-hood: Too afraid to make a mistake, not desperate enough to take a risk.

When you're tired of being single, you just reflect on all who fell victims of the 7 deadly sins, and you tell yourself, maybe I need to wait and be more ready; however, when you realize that you have identified and know how to avoid all the pitfalls, you assume "well, I got it covered, I can take my time."

In conclusion, The Seven deadly sins of Relationships do shed light on the 8th and final sin, the one thing that ultimately prohibits many people from finding Happiness: FEAR

Not necessarily in a spooky form, and because of that, easily dismiss and re-casted in various form. The fear of not being loved enough, the fear of being abandoned, cheated on, the fear of not being appreciated, the fear of being taken for granted, the fear of not being pretty enough, the fear of not being sexy enough, etc...you name it, any fear that creeps in at any stage and in any form compels many to compensate through various behaviors from vanity to Lust.

Fear is the opposite of Faith, Fear paralyzes and eliminate any form of action. The fear of making a mistake leads one to wait until the utmost perfect timing that may never come, and the fear of being left behind motivates some to rush at the risk of making mistakes after mistakes.

I have danced around 6 of the deadly sins (I have never expressed wrath toward any partner), But I realized that if I can absolve myself from any of those relationsins, I have yet to run away from the 8th. The fear of making a bad marriage, a bad relationship.

I do find comfort however in the knowledge that women carry all the 7 deadly sins, and yet, it doesn't stop us from Loving them. It is not in Loving perfection that we find Happiness but in Perfect Love, and as I will review The seven deadly sins of women, I will sit and ponder on my own fear and find the courage to accept that there is no way to fully know the future or avoid every potential danger; however, perfect Love will help overcome any deadly sins out there. So pick a side...Just do it.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear

LUST

I had hoped it wouldn't come to this, that moment of silence between us that compelled an eye contact which immediately betrayed the passion I had worked so hard to concealed. I cannot even begin to explain how it started, maybe it was access, probably opportunity or maybe the fact that very few men have the opportunity to have a beautiful woman in their life, and not entertain the thought of being with her.

All it took was the acknowledgement of her beauty, yet only in my mind; then came the availability of knowing her and seeing her often. Finally came the circumstances where I could see and interact with her very close corners: her space and her feelings.

Every time she shared about her childhood, her joys, pains and heartbreaks, I felt a little more part of her life. Soon after anything she would wear would instill a sexual impulsion in me; if she was covered from toe to chest, I would glanced at the shoulder with uncontrollable desires. When she wore shorts, all I visualize were her legs, any inches of skin, even the least erogenous ones would nonetheless command an increased sexual appetite.

What can I say about her movements, the way she walked, the way she danced, the way she ran, it didn't matter if she was trying to pick up a laundry bag or moving a chair, in my already captivated mind, each of her moves, even the most mundane ones, were sensual acts meant to arouse me.

I battled my mind and tried to tame my eyes, not to avail. I was not strong enough to domesticate my desires, because my enemy had already crossed my defensive line. All it took was an eye contact, a seemingly innocent remark, and an insightful question, and there I knew that everything I had attempted to bury in mind and erase from my thought, would just travel from my own head to hers, only to return again.

We were fighting the same battle on two different bodies. Our subtle observance of one another was similar to romantic dance in a long extinct tribal language. We then asked ourselves, "why not?"

With the long anticipation of fulfilling our fantasies, we longed for the opportunity to touch one another in a way that so far had been forbidden to us. We could not stand in front of the chance to finally see one another in a way that was so far unacceptable and hear each other expressed ourselves in a passionate way that had been denied for so long. At that moment, our common sense retreated in dark corner in shame, while our bodies valiantly summoned the march by transforming itself in a heightened way. our eyes, our touches, our smell, everything seemed so palpable, so sensitive, so soft, so nice...yes very nice.

We gave ourselves to one another in a passionate way that neither felt had been experienced before, and yet it had. What we had given ourselves to was LUST, not passion. What common sense did not tell us before it retreated is that it was taking wisdom with it. Wisdom would have told us that Lust is like a drug, full of side effects.

We are incorrigible in that way, like petulant child, we often act without weighing the consequences of our actions. when we conceived the possibility of sleeping together, we refused to consider the outcome of our actions. We ignore that we were married, dating, friends and incapable to live up to the consequences of our actions. And so we hurt ourselves, hurt others and moved on with more confusion...until society feeling bad for us came to our rescue and told us that it is OK; We should do what we feel like doing, we should let our bodies and sense control us, because the opposite is impossible. Society told us that everybody does it, it is natural, it is what God wanted, which is why it such a strong urge.

"IT" is Lust, the strong and uncontrollable appetite for sexual desires. Lust is the final and most deadly of the 7 relationsins. Lust is conceived in our heads, and we do not know how to satisfy it, so we do whatever it takes, even if it takes envy, Vanity, Gluttony, Sloth, Avarice or Wrath. It doesn't matter if we are single or not, when Lust creeps in unchecked, like a drug, we are consumed by the only thought of how we are going to satisfy it.

It is not surprising that Sex occupy such a big part of our society, and has been a source of contention for generations. How to control it, how to contain it, how to express it, or how to achieve a lot of it. Alas, unlike Love, Lust is not lasting and is pleasurable only until fulfilled, then it unleashes an array of baggages that leaves confused, disappointed and eventually vulnerable to more Lust.

Lust is not a behavioral sin, but a psychological one. The failure of many comes from their attempt to resist and fight Lust. Lust is defeated with a preemptive strike. There is no shame in avoiding a hot babe that wants you if it means saving relationship; there is no honor in sleeping with another man because you are unhappy in your relationship.

Lust is the romantic equivalent get-rich-quick schemes, a high risk, quick return ponzi scheme that will quicly burst like the housing market, and in some cases, because of Lust, some will literary lose their home; SO take it easy Tiger (pun intended), and run before Lust takes over.

There will always be another beautiful woman you have never seen, there will always be another man who finds you attractive, there will always be a hotter body and more attractive portfolio. It is the second you decide to entertain the thought of actually imagining the possibility of...that Lust begins and causes all the actions seen in the other Relationsins.

Lust is the devil's favorite weapon, and men and women alike have succumbed to the desire to be with someone else, would it be just for a night, an hour, a minute?

For the single, Lust would take one in a quest for a mirage that will never quench their thirst. For the one in a relationship, it would deceive into giving the impression that we made the wrong choice.

In either way, to avoid Lust, one must learn from Joseph, who chose to ran away from Potiphar's wife. One must learn from me who chose to lock myself in a room to avoid doing something wrong (my 1 victory over many defeats).

We shall always remember, that it is not because we saw that we need to conquer. Once conceived, Lust is virtually unbeatable, so we ought to act before it takes root.

James 1: 14-15

But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own Lust, and enticed.

Then when Lust has conceived, it bringeth forth sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

WRATH

The last two sins in the series are probably the sexiest of all: Wrath and Lust; the first one seems to convey Power, confidence, intimidation, "respect" and fear. The second one appeals to the senses and the very thing that most people long for at first in a relationship.

Fear and intimidation are good indeed if you are the terminator, while may be useful if you are applying for playboy, but in seeking a meaningful relationship, they are well placed explosives at the foundation of your love life.

Wrath, the strong vengeful anger or indignation is manifested by inexplicable burst of violent or aggressive emotion seems to be out of place in a relationship supposedly meant to be between two individuals who love one another, and yet....and yet...

Wrath or precisely here violence in a relationship is a progressive behavior; nobody in their right state of mind would see someone and say: "hum...this person looks like they would throw me across the room if angry....I am so hot for him...or her..."

Clearly, violence is not a magical appearance, or a surprising feat, on the contrary signs are always present. I always promised myself that regardless the person I will date, or the nature of a disagreement, two things were always out of the window: screams and profanities.

How do you reconcile saying that you Love someone and use the most vile language toward them? even when angry, there is no way to justify it. Sometimes, a couple will talk to one another in a way that they will never address a stranger or someone they distaste. Nobody question that disagreement will occur in a relationship, but mentioning her weight that you precisely know she is sensitive about is a vicious blow, just like mentioning a certain part of his anatomy you know is directly connected to his self-esteem is a clear indication of a refusal to solve the matter.

Most experienced couples often advice younger ones on the importance of communication, and the underlining message involves healthy communication. Communication is the gateway of the behavior.

I always perceived that a woman who is able to vilified her man with words will do much worse when given the chance to act upon it. To each woman I know I always say, "If he belittles you with words, he will be inconsiderate if you are physically hurt; If he hits the wall when angry at you, it's only a matter of time before you become the wall.

It only make sense that for all our justified anger, disagreements, or else, the one we profess to love should be the one experiencing the mildest form of our shortcomings, not the worse. If he allows you to see his worst, it is not a form of trust or comfort, but the indication that he tries harder with others.

Wrath is the steroid of Relationsins, the one that can take it from good to bad in a spin...it is the complete opposite of Lust, which is like a slow poison, killing you before you realize that you are going.

Words in general are hard to take back, less again those that hurt; in each case, words only announce the arrival of the nature of a calvary of behaviors that will follow.

Be you angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath

Ephesians 4:26

ENVY

Green with Envy, the grass is always greener on the other side. Years ago, there was a trend, that still exist today, that a man seductive apogee was in display when he could put under his spell and win over a woman that had already given her heart to another man. Stealing another man is a challenge most men love to undertake, and there are countless stories and fables that praises the audacity, the charm and the tenacity of those who can achieve such a feat. Everybody remembers how the battle of troy began, and almost everyone has heard a song where the singer tells another man “your girl wants me”.

There is something about wanting this forbidden fruit attitude that almost makes it acceptable to go after another man’s girl, some girls even like the attention as it probably gets them closer to the old day duels where men would literally fight over a woman.

Biblically speaking, it is another story, and it begins with the 10 commandments in Exodus 20: 3-17. Commandments 7 and 10 clearly admonish first adultery and covetous of someone else wife. Proverbs 6 even indicate that it is better to be a thief than to commit adultery.

From a relationship perspective, the Sin of Envy is a two edge sword, and is like greed on steroid. Greed is centered on self-gratification; envy thrives on another’s misery. Envy follows the trail of Sloth because when slothfulness has eliminated the ability to appreciate and maintain what we have, or the will to work for what we want; all that is left is the hope to satisfy the desire without working for it. Envy is not merely the desire to obtain what someone else has; it comes with the unfortunate baggage of hoping that someone loses the object of desire to our benefit.

If already in souring relationship, two choices are presented: if the relationship was doomed from the beginning, then of course, the exit door must look like the gates of heaven, no issue there, Get out! However, if what was once a vibrant union is dying out because of lack of care or slothfulness, Envy will feed of the success of other’s relationships. Most people think their house is a mess because they compare it to the gate of their neighbor. In our very intrusive culture where the intimacy and privacy of people is scrutinized, glorified or exaggerated, couples are constantly faced with comparison to other couples; they look happier, more in love, etc….

Being envious of another couple or relationship causes people to denigrate their own or insert themselves into the successful relationship of others, and since three is a crowd…the glamorous cheating comes to the rescue.

Every relationship is unique and has its own DNA, and although other couples seem happier, it is often better to know if the appearance is true, if it is, emulation should happen as a couple, for the sake of improvement rather than escape.

The other side of the sword comes with the desire to enter a relationship; the sight of successful relationship may alter the view of a finish product. Many people see their BFF with the perfect mate and because they want the same thing, the inexplicably find themselves drawn to the off-limit person. They are so envious that they forget what the BFF has gone through to have such a person, what effort has been undertaken before the couple is as happy and close as they are.

She looks at a her friends boyfriend and thinks he is the perfect man, exactly what she looks for, and her envy blinds her from the fact that she can look for her own, slothfulness discourages her from having to search when the perfect guy is right there; proximity intensifies her envy and soon, she makes a move, if he is an idiot, she destroyed a relationship, if he is a noble man, she destroyed a friendship.

I keep two rules when it comes to envy: 1- it is much easier to break a relationship than to build one, so don’t think you are a better man if you succeed in stealing another man’s girl. 2- If you are focus on working on your own relationship, you won’t have time to envy someone else’s.

To envy is to be jealous, and jealous rarely wishes well to those we are jealous of. As a relationsin, Envy is the sin, that takes you out of the relationship, although you may physically still be in. The focus is on destroying others rather than building what you have.

Proverbs 14:30 (KJV)
A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.

Sloth 2

One can successfully hide vanity in order to successfully begin a relationship, sooner or later, that Vanity will invite siblings such as Gluttony and avarice that will consume the relationship. Because vanity is the source, Gluttony and Avarice are equally capable to make way into a relationship, but always in concealed form. The players, womanizers and self-centered people often succeed in hiding those ugly traits that are rooted in their ego, but sooner or later, their negative impact burst out and kill the relationship.

Sloth is different because rather than being concealed, it creeps in. In the previous post on Sloth
we saw how the first 3 sins slowly engendered a Slothful nature that eventually prevents one from claiming redemption when available. That was the continuation of the first sins. Sloth unlike the other sins is not just something you can repress, it can catch you off guard and destroy all you have worked for, and in this way, it doesn't need vanity or the rest.

As a new Beast self-created, Slothfulness usually follows comments such as:

"When we first met, he uses to bring me flowers everyday, now he can barely notice me when I am changing."

Or

"When we met, she was so Hot, a perfect 10, now, when I stand next to her, we look like the number 10...and I am the number 1"

And it goes on and on and on...for countless relationships who remember the good old days, and lament in the "we use to..." "when we first met..." "you weren't always like that..." "if I knew that..."

This is the purest form of Sloth in a relationship; A man and a woman have worked hard to build their life together, love and support one another, and build moments they hope to cherish for the rest of their lives. They have resisted the vanity to think they are too good for so and so, they have restrained themselves for pursuing the lust of their Flesh and the craving for irresponsible love, and saw through the illusion of the other side being greener.

Like a test of fire, they have overcome social expectations and temptations to give to one another, hoping to receive great return on their emotional and romantic investment. What they, however thought was the end of the fight was only the first episode, and naturally, like all things that demand worthy effort, maintenance is the name of the game, which is where Sloth pounces.

The scripture says in Proverbs 12:27a: "The slothful man roasteth not that which he took in hunting."

This verse is such a truthful image of what happens to many men and women who assume that getting the man or the girl is the end result. If not to consume the food, then the hunt is fruitless, and in this case by consuming I mean fulfilling the long term purpose of the relationship...:-)

The other sins break hearts, hope, heart and promises, Sloth can do all these plus destroy lives. This is why of all the 7 sins, Slothfulness is the One I fear the most; because your earnest desire for a relationship may inspire to work on the first 3 sins, and the next 3 emerges because of Slothfulness, yet are more vivid and easily picked up as behaviors. Sloth on the other hand creeps in and usually reveal itself when it's almost too late, and can rarely be defeated alone.

Sloth is also the first sin that actively demand the participation of two parties to be conquered, unlike Avarice where one has to at least match what has been given freely, Sloth modifying a behavior and reigniting a passion that is dying. As it came in, so it shall be kicked out, a slow and challenging task.

With all the work that is initially done to start a healthy relationship, one can not afford to let down was the task is achieved, the relationship is the first child of the Love story, and requires constant attention and care. Proverbs 24:33-34 warns against that:

"A little extra sleep, a little more slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, then poverty will pounce on you like a bandit; scarcity will attack you like an armed robber."

Yeah, that is all it takes, a little birthday forgotten right here, a small compliment overlooked right there, a new dress unnoticed over there, or an innocent promise broken again, and slowly the lack of effort becomes the sign of disinterest and the mark of negligence. Suddenly we hear phrases such as "falling out of Love", "maybe we should go our separate ways, "maybe we should see other people", "I have been seeing someone else for..."

Sloth is romance own personal enemy, and even if it doesn't lead to separation, it transform the relationship in such a toxic environment, that all that is left is to envy the work others have put in theirs.

If you are busy taking care of your own grass, you will never envy how green your neighbour's is; however is you're too lazy to water your lawn, you neighbour's lawn will make you resent your own backyard.

Sloth hold us back when we need to go out there and start a relationship, Sloth makes us neglect the relationship we have worked so hard to build, and Sloth keeps us a the start of the race when we could be doing a victory lap.

Sloth can not be defeated alone, but needs the participation of your partner and the example of those who have walked that route.

Hebrews 6:12 That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

Whether is through prayers or self-motivation, I fight Slothfulness everyday, because Envy is a poison that contaminates everything in your life....

"Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap"

SLOTH

Among the 7 deadly Relationsins, Sloth is the one I call the "middle Child". Sloth rightfully assumes its position in the family pattern observed so far, as Vanity fuels Gluttony that itself gives birth to Avarice, which will give way to Sloth. At the same time, Sloth is particular among the first 3 in a way that it can stand on its own and destroy an existing healthy relationship.

The Linkage between the first three sins are so close that Vanity is such a stumbling block in building a relationship that either it is caught early and prevent the growth of the next two sins, or if ignored, it almost certainly will bring Gluttony and Avarice. Sloth is different; it can hurt a relationship in 2 ways:

1. As the continuation of the first 3 sins
2. As a new beast self-created.

In the first case, the damage has already been done, a proud handsome man knows he has game (Vanity), he wishes to settle down but knowing that he can have any woman he wants compels him to multiply relationships (Gluttony). He doesn't want to lose any of his conquests so he makes false promises, he doesn't commit, but still make romantic advances so the women keep hoping (avarice). Even the best of us cannot defy father time, and what the devil gives with right hand, he takes back with the left. even the most patient woman cannot wait eternally, even the most devoted lover can only stand so much betrayal, and when one by one disillusion by empty promises, they leave for other more secure and promising relationship, they nonetheless keep an eye toward the one they loved, just to see, just to catch a glimpse of change, just to see if maybe...

They will not see anything because although he is losing so many opportunities to finally settle down, The proud, the glutton, the greedy will not make a move. Proverbs 13: 19 says:

"It is pleasant to see dreams come true, but fools refuse to turn from evil to attain them"

As such, even as his dream sails away, that man cannot give away his habits and change his ways; the roots of his sin is too deep, the damages caused by his life choices are to strong, but most importantly, he has lost the will to try and work for it. His proud look has prevented him from ever working to get a woman, his gluttonous nature has convinced him that he will always have as many women as he wishes, and his avarice has blinded him to believe that they will never leave him. Easy success breeds complacency, and like an old emperor, vanity requires to never raise a finger. So the man panics, try to convince himself that it nothing but a drought season in his romantic campaign, but the result is the same, he is too lazy to pursue even one those women, he is too lazy to make the first move, he is to lazy to start anew and seduce a new woman to achieve his dream, he is even to proud and lazy to ask for God's help...which is why God said in Proverbs 19:24

"A slothful man hideth his hand in his bosom, and will not so much as bring it to his mouth again" or for a more blunt translation, "Lazy people take food in their hand but don't even lift it to their mouth."

Subsequently, the man laziness force him to be a spectator of his own demise where his slothfulness prevents him from ceasing even the slightest glimmer of hope that each woman is giving him.

Every relationship requires work, but not all of us start at the same level. Some have to work extra hard to even approach a woman, while others are blessed enough to really start working on kick-starting the relationship because women flock to them. At the end of the day however, they all demand work and energy, and for those who are too proud of their past achievement or lack of effort, Slothfulness is a sin that can doom a relationship before it even starts. When that happens there are only two ways to look at: Behind us are the regrets that reminds us of what could be, while ahead is the image of what could be, and when see that, we are faced with the second option: Envy

But before we look at Envy, we should remember that Sloth does not only target the proud insensitive who disregard others emotions; even in the comfort of a seemingly solid relationship, unlike the other sin, Sloth can still wreck havoc...

"Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap"

AVARICE

What could be the next logical step for someone who thinks that they are so good they should have anything, and therefore decide to acquire and consume all of it without moderation? Naturally, like that unique species we like to call C.E.O, those who have it all, are usually those who give the least...

Avarice or greed as a relationsin is quite a stinger and is different from the first two sins because it is more of a passive sin. While we are used to judge greedy people as individuals who consciously refuse to give or share, emotionally or relationship-wise, it may not be such a conscious act, but the natural repercussion or side effect of Vanity and Gluttony.

One may say that they deserve the best, and therefore constantly be on the lookout for something better; however, in the fallible human nature that we have, we always reach a point where the longing to be with someone eventually causes us to pause, if only momentarily, and consider someone good enough for us.

Some call it "settling", and reason that it is more so the result of being discouraged or tired of looking. The truth that I have learned is that "everybody settles", including those in the best relationships; and there is nothing shameful about settling for an imperfect person who is perfect for you in the imperfect world you live in that itself is full of imperfect people....that is actually the only perfect thing to do...

The issue that plagues those victimized by the sin of avarice is a total refusal to give or share their inner person, emotional being or intimate life with someone else.

How often have I heard or said "I have great qualities, and will be a great partner for the right person..." subconsciously, there is a revelation that only once we find someone deemed good enough, only then will we be willing to give our all; interestingly enough, Christian tradition recommend giving yourself emotionally before doing so physically, yet, society has distorted the dynamics to a point where it seems easier for many to give physically rather than emotionally.

Everybody has some type of deal breaker relationship-wise, and nobody would recommend blindly giving oneself without some type of safeguards. Emotional Avarice stems from the aversion to open oneself to the opportunity of happiness by willingly or unwillingly shutting your heart to anyone who might inquire or try to get in.

Emotional Avarice is placing limitations on how much a spouse, partner or romantic interest can get close and discarding their need for emotional reassurance, encouragement, comfort and appreciation.

Acts 20: 35 says that "...it is better to give than to receive..." that verse and many like it in Proverbs and 2 Corinthians 9 are so true when it comes to relationships. Those who yearn to build that healthy relationship cannot or should not be selfish to hold on their best qualities for the right person because they may not find that right person unless they display the character and qualities that will be appealing to the right person.

Whether it is the wonderful sense of humor, the innate caring attitude or the charming word of comfort, we all have exceptional character traits that may be appealing to the opposite gender even if they are not the ones to share the rest of our lives; nevertheless, they may help someone believe in Love again, or encourage somebody to trust and enjoy other's company, or even better, they may inspire a neutral party to set up a meeting with the elusive one...

Avarice is the refusal to let others in, or to rob them from the emotional need they are entitled to as partners. In many relationships, attention is one-sided because one party feels it is better to receive than to give, and many people are single because of the fear of being hurt if they let somebody in too close.

Everybody's life has the potential to impact another's life, but this will be impossible if we guard our hearts too close and refuse to share the best in us.

It is indeed greedy to feel that others can open up to us while we are too precious to return the favor; it is extremely selfish to deny the love of our lives of the emotional nurturing they deserve once they have exposed their vulnerabilities to us.

Greedy people are eventually lazy, since their vain and gluttonous attitude have led them to a level where they want, want, but never give. The consequences is a total lack of willingness to work for what is worthy, or simply harvest and maintain what they have acquired.

After Avarice has consumed the heart of people, SLOTH settles in, and this is how we see what use to be a loving and promising relationship turn into a bitter and agonizing living arrangement. It all Started with Vanity that promoted Romantic Gluttony, which in turn triggered emotional avarice that gave birth to a slothful companionship.

I am not stranger to vanity, but I am thankful that pride preceded the fall which taught me humility. Humility trained me to appreciate contentment, and resist the urge of romantic gluttony; but Avarice is a work in progress, and a subconscious bondage that is fueled by the fear of failure and betrayal.

3 out of 7 is not bad, and the remaining 4 are to me like a visit similar to Dante's Inferno where I have witnessed the consequences of Emotional Avarice unchecked.

The battle cannot be fought alone, and Avarice is without a doubt the turning point in what may be either the very long path to solitude, the reversal to a route of continuous happiness or the downfall to romantic disaster.

A critical turn that surely necessitate paying attention to SLOTH and the remaining Relationsins...

GLUTTONY

A cheater, a liar, a deceiver....No, a greedy Glutton...!!!

As a child, when I was first introduced to the 7 deadly sins, my friends and I started looking around and associate people with a deadly sin; Gluttony was fat people’s sin…I know kids are so cruel, right?

In plain description, as often referred to glutton in popular culture, this sin is associated with food, the pleasure of the table and the indulgence of the palates; in other words, Rachel Ray, Emeril, and Company are all sinners? Not quite, at least not for this purpose, Gluttony means over-indulgence and over-consumption of food, drink, or intoxicants to the point of waste. Naturally, for a child, one who is slightly overweight must have over-indulged themselves…

Although the Bible uses a few food analogies to describe sex (i.e. Drink Water from your own cistern [proverbs 5:15]), I will leave the food in sex combo for a future post..:-)

The key aspect of Gluttony in Relationships as a relationsin is more about over-indulgence and over-consumption, and follow right on the trail of Vanity. If we recall Vanity is an "excessive belief in one's own abilities, which interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise.”

Excessive belief in one’s ability almost always sends an invitation to self-entitlement, and self-entitlement usually hangs out with over-consumption.

Most of us remember the impact if being or seeing the new guy or new girl; the new guy needs to be slightly cuter than Frankenstein for all the girls to drool around him. “Have you seen the new guy? He is so cute”….Please…same goes to the new girl, who only needs to display a little sexy touch with a sprinkle of mystery, and there you go, “a new sun has risen!” not only the new girl is Hot, but she also stir a little competitive rumble as men want to be the first one to…oh silly youth…

Me, I grew up in the same place for 18 years, so I seldom knew what it was to be the new guy, after all, I had to be able to throw a stupid ball in a hoop 10 feet above ground to finally get some attention…geez, tough crowd I tell you…

Honestly, our infatuation with something new has to be blamed on our parents; from an early age, we learn that new is better, new means old is out to the garbage, new means reward, new means growth, progress, new, new, new, we want everything new…

As we grow up, most parents teach us how to steward what remains efficient, conserve what is still useful, and resist the Vanity to acquire something new just to keep up with the Jones. But despite their parental skills, many of us retain the mysticism that is associated with something new. Society reinforces the notion that a new product is better, the new color is sexier, new and improved they say, as a result, we consume, consume and consume without ever being fully satisfied.

When exported in relationships, Vanity and over-consumption is lethal and painful. Vanity makes us believe that we have earned the very best, while over-consumption tricks us in endlessly looking for something better.

We want a lady in the street, but a freak under the sheet; a gentlemen to open us the door, but a thug to rough us up. We want to work for an oil company that protects the environment, and an army that promotes peace with a nuclear weapon.

Talk about over-consumption? How about an open relationship, where we want both the exclusivity of a committed relationship, yet retain the flexibility of the single life; or the bi-sexual identity where one desires the conformity of heterosexual union, while satisfying the lust of homosexual attraction without having to choose. Mistresses, booty calls, sex buddies, etc…they all fall under the same basket of wanting everything at the same time; Gluttony.

The fear of commitment is actually the fear of passing on something better down the road; we always have to keep our options open. We want to indulge ourselves with the physical pleasure without being responsible for the emotional needs.

As I used to put it: “women are like dishes, eat it while Hot, throw it if it gets cold.”

Not proud of myself, but this is what we see, we multiply sexual partners as if we were on a mission to indulge ourselves with every partners possible. I always wonder if medical breakthrough against STD were more about defeating diseases, or ensuring that we do not alter our lifestyles…go figure

We are emotional and sexual gluttons, vain enough to think we deserve all the pleasures without working for it, and our gluttony causes us to demand more and more without ever being satisfied. Our partners have to be the top physical specimen, the most financially secure, the best sexual performer, and the most dignified human beings. As for us, we are here to consume, benefit from everything they can give us, until something better comes along, someone new, maybe younger, with bigger boobs, larger muscles, nicer booty, prettier face, larger bank account, etc…

Gluttony in relationships is that attitude that our partners are never good enough, that there is someone better out there for us, so we need to always stay on the lookout. The issue is that by constantly looking on the outside, we stop paying attention to those on the inside. We neglect what is worth working for, and prepare ourselves for the eventuality of something new.

Contrary to the Vain person who puts itself on a pedestal where few can approach him or her, the Glutton makes temporary promises that are ultimately broken; unable to secure a stable place, the glutton consumes relationships after relationships, partners after partners, leaving a trail of broken hearts behind him or her. The sad part is that one day the glutton will have no strength to feed itself, and will die of emotional starvation because nobody will be there to put up with its romantic Gluttony.

"Vain people usually never see any beauty in the world, but only in themselves... That is why everything around them, sooner or later, dies"; likewise, Emotional gluttons can never appreciate what they have, which is why everything they try to build always breaks, is abandoned and dies.

1 timothy 6:6 says "Godliness with contentment is great gain.”

So here is my Mea maxima Culpa: I have made great strides on Vanity, and have put a knife on my throat to avoid over-consuming. The problem is that I have yet to master contentment, so while I am safe from self-indulgence and over-consumption, I am unable to pick something or someone I may be content with. What does one do when he cannot choose, but is afraid to abuse, misuse or lose all? He keeps it in a safe, pretending to protect it, claiming to be able to make a choice later…however before he knows it, he doesn’t want to choose or let go, and finds satisfaction in keeping all to himself…he has fallen to the logically next sin: Avarice

VANITY

Vanity is a grave sin to carry, a very bad personality trait to have, and an even worse characteristic to display. Nearly all religion, wise saying and cultural proverbs warn against, discourage or condemn vanity. Things seems a little better when it is used in another term, mainly Pride; although it still carry some uneasiness, Pride can be used in positive ways such as the pride of a family, of achievement, etc...it is not bad to be proud of oneself when justified. Vanity, however seems to be pride carried to the negative in Biblical proportion. Vanity seems more appropriate to the context, but truly, satisfaction is also more appropriate in describing the positive angle of Pride.

Some way to look at it would be that Pride is the root of the problem, which if kept unchecked evolves into vanity...yeah...right, in this case however, it will be the same, and as stated in the Bible, Proverbs 16:18 says

"Pride precedes a disaster, and an arrogant attitude precedes a fall"

Again, Pride is the motivation, Vanity the attitude that goes with it, but they're all in family of sin...hi hi hi...actually, not so funny when it comes to relationships. vanity/ Pride is crucial in establishing our attitude before entering a relationship. We are often bias regarding that attitude, because pride ultimately affects the way people look at themselves and others; consequently, when a man is arrogant and proud of himself, many women say that he has swagger, Charisma, manliness, Macho qualities, etc...too few tend to realize that those qualities more than often belittles the women he comes in contact with, and half of the time tends to treat them as objects to be conquered. Similarly when a woman feels so hot she can't be in contact with mere mortals, men are on her trails viewing her as playing hard to get, having an attitude, confident, all which is sexy until it is revealed that she has outer wordily expectations of men, demands a treatment unfit to what she gives in return and requires praises on things that honestly needs a giant flashlight to be found.

What follows are compliments from left and right that convinces one that they are at a certain standard in the numerical scale of dating terminology, which causes opportunities and hearts to be lost or broken. "you are a 10 girl, he's just a 6, you can do better than that"; "Brother, if you end up with a white girl, it's a waste a sexy blackness"; "he's not a your level, let him get a job first"etc....

Pride, and an overly exaggeration of who we are causes us to forget that Christ often refers to his Church as his bride, and in all fairness, the NO-Sin Christ married a quite UGLY bride that was in no way at his level.

When we are consumed with what we should get, we forget what is our main objective. While it is unreasonable to just jump blindly in a relationship that is doomed to fail, we must keep in mind that successful relationships are more about what we mutually bring to the other person, than what we get out of it.

A wise man once told me that "A dating relationship is not a destination in itself...the only valid purpose of dating is marriage."

I disputed that fact until I realized that if not for marriage, then I am either dating with the objective of breaking up a some point, or for the mere desire of using someone else for my emotional or sexual gratification; the first reason is stupid, the second is not very noble.

If I understand the destination, then the specifics change, the size of the bra, the sexiness of the walk, the form of the hips, the curve of the...ok ok...you get the point...bottom line, priorities change.

Physical appearance is the first thing that draws us to someone else, hence are important in establishing the first approach, yet, thinking too much about what or who we should be with defeats the valid purpose of dating, and sets us for disastrous relationships.

Society conditioned us to handpick the race, the eye and hair color, the voice, the size of the chest, the curve on the hips, the height, and the size of you know what, all in the name of diversity and choice. Society also makes us believe that some people are a 10 while others are 2. We end up looking at a camel to help us cross the North pole.

If we humble ourselves, and look at others not as their abilities to match a Glamour or GQ cover, but as their qualities to be devoted partners and fit parents, we may all get the thumbs up from God.

I have fallen guilty of thinking that I could always do better, but the insatiable thirst for human perfection only left me running after a mirage; pride truly precedes disaster, Vanity is a succulent meal that never satisfies hunger.

Vanity or Pride is the first Sin that prevents many single from enjoying a promising relationships, and condemn others from benefiting from a healthy one.

The ability to get over Pride or vanity is a huge step that opens the door of relationship success, but it is like a resume, what it does is really get you through the door...you've accomplish much, but there is still work to do...like getting over the side effect of vanity, such as Gluttony?

Prov 23:29, "A person's pride will bring him low, but a lifestyle of humility will attain honor."

The 7 deadly sins of Relationships

I often refer to them as Relationsins, they are based on what is culturally known as the 7 deadly sins which are:

1. Pride (Vanity)
2. Gluttony
3. Greed (Avarice)
4. Sloth
5. Envy
6. Wrath
7. Lust

Those "deadly sins" have often been attributed to personal character; however they can also be easily attributed to romantic relationships in which they are actually more deadly.

Based on Proverbs 6:16-24, and reiterated in the book of Galatians, the 7 deadly sins took a life of their own in the catholic church in an attempt to better regulate the believers behaviors.

Whether God views those deadly sins the same way the church did is a totally different story; however what is certain is the negative impact they bring to the life of a christian, and non christian as well.

The difference in this case is to attribute them to relationships, because the character of a man defines the leadership he will provide for his future family.

Although they are rarely called in the terms used with 7 deadly sins, certain attitude are often attributed to them: "He is shallow", "she is so materialistic" "He's a player", "what a gold digger!"

When all is said, our 7 deadly relationsins prevents us from reaching that God given objective...I just wonder how many of them I have committed.

Supported by the beautiful artwork of Martha Dahlig, upcoming are the 7 deadly sins of relationships.

It is not good for man to be alone....

It is not good for man to be alone some said and read,
you need the stability and companionship they added;
but you lose the freedom and peace of mind, they failed to say.
It is not stability, it is a man-made prison
It is not companionship, but a lifelong burden,
constant nagging, spying and attempted control...

No man is an island they reminded me,
No man is a continent either I replied...

But on a dreadful night, I heard a terrible news,
I had no need to cry, I wouldn't comfort myself...

In a mundane afternoon, I was dealt with injustice
I couldn't avoid revenge, I had nothing to lose

In a dark alley, I was swayed in an illicit passion,
I did not know how to fight temptation, I had no Honor to protect

I a moment of a panic, I claimed what wasn't mine,
I shouldn't hesitate, I have no example to set...

To stand on one's two feet with honor, dignity and principle is no different than to stand with dishonor and unscrupulous behavior when you are both the judge, jury, victim and victor.

It is not good for man to be alone; when a man is alone, he loses his sense of purpose, his ability to share and communicate erodes him. When a man is alone, he trust nobody and prey on everybody, he extends and reduces his boundaries, and forget the diet that strenghten his soul. When a man is alone, he has no foundation, but the wind he rides tho and fro.

A self-destruction machine that contaminates all on his path, he searches for those to protect, build and share life with.

No, it is not good for man to be alone...a man alone is nothing else but God's child abandoned to himself...and a child abandoned to himself is not a good sight.

It is not good for man to be alone, because a man alone loses his accountability to sin...

How does one leads to two?

I am now fully persuaded when I stand in front of the mirror, that I am a Christian man; which is also why I often avoid the mirror. When the struggle of conversion have passed, what remains is the pressure to uphold the new belief. The life of a Christian is full of benefits, it doesn't mean that it is a cakewalk. Victory is not promised as a result of peace, but of a daily battle over an enemy set on distracting one from his walk.

This is not a war one wages as a lonesome, lonely and antisocial Hero; this is a fight where Batman, superman, Zorro, Bruce lee, chuck Norris all need to band together and fight as a team.

John Donne (1572-1631) said That "No man is an island", because God first declared that "it is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18). He (God) also established that "two are better than one."(Ecclesiastes 4:9)

Once you reassert your faith, the void becomes omnipresent and that feeling of perpetual quest to fill it is unbearable. You wonder how you have been able to live without it in the past, only to realize that you've always looked for it, but always at the wrong place and for the wrong reasons.

When you read "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD" (Proverbs 18:22), you are pleased by the promise, but insecure about the word "find"; because finding involves looking, finding implies searching, finding includes decision...and your experience have showed you that it is a treacherous path of romantic uncertainty, so many have made mistakes that way, mistakes that have led to divorces, unfaithfulness, heartbreaks, insecurity, abuse, loss of identity, etc...you turn to God so you could avoid making the mistakes that are bound because you are not perfect...

You rather rely on the verse that says "In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths"(Proverbs 3:6). This is what you want, for God to direct your path, to lead you to her...

If only it was that easy, if only you could be controlled, hypnotized and guided to her doorsteps; but No, there is such thing as freedom of choice, freedom to search, freedom to decide, freedom to find.

It is not Victory from peace, but victory after effort, sacrifice and commitment; this is what the man in the mirror would say if you took time to talk with him.

So you remember the verse "Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and He shall direct your paths."

You've searched and finally found; was it divine providence or simply luck? you don't know, you do not rely on your own understanding. You just walk with the confidence that He is with you, and the fear that you might be seriously rejected and humiliated.

You tell yourself "I can do it, I can do it...."

Finally, you approach the beautiful woman you've been staring at for the past 2 hours and with all the courage you can muster, you open your mouth and timidly say: "Excuse, miss, my name is...., and I was wondering if..."

Rejection or Not, this is your first Victory in the quest to become two...only problem? it is Victory for the first battle, now the war continues...

If you trust Him, he will definitely direct your steps, if you're unsure like I was, just keep asking, but then be ready for His very clear answer: "I will lead you if you would first MOVE YOUR @$$"...

Didn't feel that good, but it worked...