The Treachery of my conviction

There is a certain condition that befuddles the common of man, and even more those of the Christian faith. The path to Romantic and marital unity has shown itself to be an ever essential goal marred with some of the most burdensome crosses.

We hear so much advices, and so much encouragement in engaging in that path, but likewise, we are so often equipped with the mostly heavy restrictions as a package of what no to do.

Where to search, how to search and what to search have converged into a web of such entangled blurry line, that those that were supposed to lead have found their way trapped into the enemy prisons of adultery, sexual addiction, divorces and never ending celibacy.

If the Christian man first quest is Eternal life in paradise, the close second is romantic Love amidst Earthly desires; Maybe this is why we say that God is Love, since those who search Love are told to go to God, while those who go to God hope that He will bring them Love.

Navigating along the lines of the forbidden to achieve the seemingly elusive is a test to anyone's conviction in light of promises and words of faith. Impossible to detach from one another, yet restraining one another.

Even I, who although not the best among the saints, but nonetheless not one to be called a Damned has found myself puzzled by this adventure in which you always seem to do that wrong thing while trying to avoid the sinful thing. Even those who have achieved the ultimate goal have spent so much time searching that they no longer know how to explain what it takes to get there...they simply don't seem to understand.

This is the treachery of my conviction, the feeling that my faith is a hindrance in achieving that goal. A total confusion in which I have lost the sense of where does God stand, and what He expect of me. How far can I go before He takes over, or how much should I give to let him operate.

In a room surrounded by beautiful creatures, I know that there is an angel to save me; however, I have lost the ability to recognize the angel from the demon...