Ghost of past girlfriends: Stacy

It is said that every man prepares himself to rescue his damsel in distress, and every girl awaits the prince that will sweep her off her feet...

The characterization may be outdated, yet it speaks volume of the heart longings that pits dreams versus expectations. What happens when your dreams become reality? Are dreams meant to be reality, or simply to remain dreams.

Stacy was beautiful, sweet, loving and very romantic. She believed in the niciest things in life and trusted for Love to steal her away of her routine life.

I was a cocky young adult, finally coming to terms with my qualities and getting control of my seductive skills. I was confident enough to know the damages I can inflict on the dating scene, yet very much in love in admiring myself at work.

When we met, I was drown unto her because she was all I looked for: Beautiful, inside and out, sweet and gentle outside, but moderately kninky on the inside. She was smart enough to plan a bright future, but naive enough to entertain the romantic fantasies of a little girl.

She was surrounded by a pack of wolves, I wanted to claim the top price; smitten by my macho attitidue, she wanted to teach me Love.

We became a pair where one was living the dream, and the other one was making a statement.

For her, we were suppose to grow in Love, for me, I was suppose to escape falling in Love. She believed she had reached her destination, I concluded that I was officially a bona fide womanizer.
Our conflict of interest broke us apart, but I broke her more than she did me. She fought for me, but it was like giving blood to a vampire. I was already looking for a better, finer prey.

I never really found another woman who truly made me feel like the mighty prince to the rescue. They say beware what you asked for, you might get it. It is today that I wish to sweep a woman off her feet, it is today that I seek a woman who believes in Love, instead of one who is desillusioned by Love.

It was not supposed to be that way I told God, I was suppose to look for years, stumble, have a disappointment, I was not suppose to hit the jackpot right away...

I feel like it was too early; even if I always wanted her, I also wanted to run around and build my reputation, at the end I lost and ruined both.

When you engage God in your life, remember that nothing is to big that you shouldn't expect it, no prayer is too complicated that it cannot be answered, there is no reason to expect a delay or a trial by fire.

Society will tell you that things take time, that you need to roam around before you get the finest things, etc...

For each thing its season and function, but as of God, ask and you shall receive...most importantly, KNOW how to receive.

I hoped for a girl like Stacy, but when I got her, I realized I wasn't ready.

God answers prayers, expect them to come true...or live for years with the sorrow of ignoring God's gift.

Ghost of past girlfriends: Anita

The following account is based on true story, but the names have been change to protect...to prevent...hum...well names have been changed...that's it...


I can justify or try to explain my mistreating young girls emotionally during my teen years on confusion, and passing on great girls to ignorance. At such a young age, very few are perceptive enough to project whom among their hormonal-fueled conquest will turn into wonderful brides.

I can't however clear my name from failing to recongnize those I had within my grasp and let go, only to find them as beautiful wives to another in the future. From the time I was able to formulate the desire to be part of a couple, I met many women who were just not cute enough, not hot enough, or simply had one too many flaws...granted I am not perfect, but I wanted a woman whose imperfection is perfectly imperfect as mine...makes sense?...Nah...let's move on...

Where I failed to find, I assumed God would, because for every woman I passed on, I bet on the best has yet to come. Today, I remember praying for it at least once...I stand in front of God's throne and ask him not why He never answered my prayers, but why He stripped me of a simple opportunity...and then, just as if someone was whispering in my hear, I heard the name Anita.

Anita was beeautiful, ok maybe not beautiful, let's say she was cute..meaning she was not WO!, she was not yick! either, she was clearly above average, kinda of "hey there, how ya doin?" She was not the intimidating beauty, not the passable chick you get just to say you have a girl no one will make fun of you for, but she was a cute girl, approachable, that certainly brings the reaction "where the hell was she when I was single...?"

Anita was also extremely annoying because she talked a lot, especially to me, she was invasive and noisy by always trying to know everything about me, and too intelligent for her own good. She would not get it when I would be mean to send a message, and on top of it, despite a strong confident personnality, she still wasn't wild enough to do the nasty stuff...in other words, she was that primary school friend who has a crush on you...yeurk...

I dated girls who could not measure up to her just so she will understand the image I had of a female friend, I disregarded her act of kindness aimed at hinting her feelings, and finally I ran off with the one girl she warned me against...she finally got the message and moved on, and I felt free at last, and only a little guilty...:-(

Today, in my prayers, I ask God to help me find someone I can talk to, someone who understands me, someone who is interested in what I do and how I feel, someone who reminds me that Love is much more than physical attraction and a social trophy, someone who can be my world, and whose world I will be...someone who looks at me and treats me like...Anita

I had her, all I needed to do was grow with her, all I needed to do is be patient, all I needed to do is see the woman she could later be, and not simply looking at the young woman she was at the time.

The writings were on the wall, and my only excuse is that I did not know how to read yet...

I saw Anita again...still very interesting and sweet to talk to...and ten times hotter than one could imagine...she was also married to some jerk...ok, he's not a jerk...but I still don't have to like him...yeah am bitter..so what...

They say that communication is the secret weapon of healthy relationships, I've known it already, and yet I passed on the one woman I could easily talk to. It is not wrong to be drawn by the beauty of a person; however if you plan a road trip, don't drive with someone who looks good in the car, but makes you doze off behind the wheel; drive with someone you can talk to while driving, the trip will be much much more enjoyable and you might stay awake.

I learned my lesson with Anita, and promised that if I ever fall in Love again, I will be sure that the lady is a friend...

I can understand God's position on this, look at the inner qualities, choose a woman according to the ultimate goal and not the short time gratification, trust the woman she will turn out to be, because like yourself she is a work in progress, I guess I was stuck on the verse where He says "enjoy the woman of your youth" (proverbs 5:18)...I was young, so really I can plead ignorance on that one...so why is there another name being whispered on my hear???

Your trails reveal your track record...

When I converse with my reason, the toughest debate is between my good ol' desires and the inner knowledge that I am doing something wrong.

How do I demonstrate that I am able to recognize a genuine Christian-inclined woman from a very kind (and hot) woman that may eventually be Zezebel dressed as Mary? It is not exactly like women walk around with sign post on their front head saying "Reserved by God for..." It is hard enough to know what women think, and personally, I have not even passed the class of "guessing" what women think; now you ask me to find GOD in one...sounds easier to undress a woman in a public place in Saudi Arabia. To that my reason would say:

You still expect the woman to reveal herself to you, instead of developing the skills to identify the right one.

Truth be said, men faillure to try to discover and find the right women for them has been replaced by the ease at which they discover other stuffs. Cm'on, why would I play Dr. Phil, when Boobs, legs and booty are easly revealed to me, this is what I am talking about, bring sexy back, we'll check out the bill later.

Funny, getting into a relationship on impulses and expecting it to turn into something stable later is similar to jumping off a plane without checking your parachute, and hoping that it will work as you get closer to the ground. If it happens that you are carrying a backpack instead of a parachute, the fall is pretty hard.

I would like to know how to ensure that I am actually on the right track in identifying the right women...and don't you tell me to go to church...Church girls are like vampires, they lure you with their sweet angeling conservative smile, and before you know it, you are violated in the most disconcerting way, next thing you know, you're the one calling on Jesus....(breathing heavily)

Sorry about that...before blaming location, you should look at the mindset going to the location, and how you ended up with what may have been the only...hum...vampire in the room.

To know if you are on track, you must look at your trails. Chances are if your are single now, things didn't work out before. The failures of your past may shed light on the pattern of your choices and behavior.

In other words, to amass a fortune, do you try to gamble on a lottery ticket, or do you work and invest time and effort?

The mindset going in determine the framework in which you will operate. That is why,the success of a relationship begins at the objective behind "Hello, my name is..."

It is not a law written in stone, but if all precautions are taken care of, the only surprises are the good ones.

But Next, Let's walk together and see if those Godly principles were applied in the past. Take me to the Ghosts of past girlfriends...who is first?

Recognize the genuine from the imitation...

I read Proverbs 31 this week-end; it was quite a read...say Boring and Unrealstic!!! at least, that's how I felt right after. Seriously, finding a woman like that is the 21st century equivalent of finding a Hot woman, classy outside, freaky inside, with a wonderful career, yet she still cooks and clean. Yeah...you got it...IMPOSSIBLE. Even the most confident and genuine woman will not dare post such a profile on a dating site. On top of everything she is suppose to be supercute and believe in God? hunh hunh...my evil bat-winged halloween-red-dressed shoulder-little man told me that it doesn't make sense because hot girls have nothing to pray for, it is the ugly ones who need God. I know that little bat on my shoulder often lies, but he talks so much, I have to listen...
I really felt I was back to square one, until MC reason reminded me that technically, I have not left square one to begin with...alright so what next?

If you cannot tell the difference between a rock and a diamond, why will you even believe that you can find it where you are? If I tell you that there is BMW in the Parking lot for you, but you cannot even tell the difference between a Toyota and a BMW, how will you be able to say if I lied or not?

The first step toward finding that woman is not whether she lives up to Proverbs 31 or not, but rather if you are capable to recognize one if you see her. Once you train yourself to do so, you will be able to say if she exists or not. You cannot go out there looking for a Toyota and expect to pay attention to the BMW.

She does exist, but not according to what you expect. Diamonds do shine, but not everthing that shines is a diamond..would you learn to recognize the genuine from the imitation?

Pffft....this is some serious job, I am only doing that because I know that if I had to read Proverbs 31, given all the good men in the Bible, women will have to read the entire Bible..lol...I can tell you, once I find her, she is not going anywhere...

You may have learned your first lesson...

The Paradigm

Okay, they say misery loves company...hum...I say Misery attracts mockery rather.

It appears that the revelation of my mostly unsuccessful attempts to be hitched did not bring forth much sympathy. Two responses caught my attention in the past days. I am single because:

1. I am a man in a boat with a goat in the middle of a Storm, God sends an helicopter and a bigger boat to save me, but I die because I can't recognize His actions.


2. I Had all the good ones, but let them go, now I am alone

In other words, either I am so dumb I wouldn't recognize my future wife even if she was standing in front of me dressed in white in a chapel; Or, I am being punished because for my youthful cockiness. Well, it is all so plausible, but I am more comfortable in the idea that maybe God and I do not speak the same language, or the best has yet to come...either ways, not my fault, let's move on...:-)

Now how can God give me that elusive beauty? could have been so simple, but then again, I was hit by a cold shower: There is a rule book. For God to help me, I must go by His standard.

So?

Well, it means that the stunning beauty with a perfect face, standing at 5 ft 6, with 36-22-40 is out of the way...that isn't really fair. Didn't God promised the desire of my heart? I may have been better served with online dating.

Yeah, we saw how that one went....when you sign up for facebook, online dating, etc...don't you see and accept the terms and agreement? Isn't it required if you want to enjoy the services you seek? well, if you want to enjoy God's dating services, you have to read and sign the terms and agreement as well. I'll start with Proverbs 31 in your case...lol

Hum...I guess it's true (stupid voice of reason), There is no sense asking God for a woman, if I do not understand what He describes as a good woman. My hope is that He lives up to His terms and agreement, because online dating really played me between the promise and the response...Alright, let's read that book, and see if self-respect, kindness and reverence are better than wild, sexy and independent.

This is already harder than normal.....geez!!!!

The Mission

I have been called many things in my life...I have been called skinny (a lot), funny, annoying, lazy, annoying, idiot, smart, tiring, annoying, funny, weird, etc...I took it all, been traumatized by some, laughed at the rest and ignored what was left.

Fortunately for me, I have never been called ugly in my life (until after some read this post I guess). As discouraging and hurtful as it can be to be called ugly by anyone, even in arguments, I cannot recall anybody calling me that...and I Thank God for that.

Now granted, I am no Will Smith, Denzel, Clooney or Brad Pitt, but I am confident that I will not lose a beauty contest to Flavor flav either....

With each person trying to elucidate the mystery of my singlehood, in light of my admitted desire to settle down, once again "why am I still single? I DO NOT KNOW!!!

Picky? no, just selective. Shy? Not enough to pass on a great woman. Afraid? Am a guy, aren't I? Gay? sure you want that to be the last word of your life?

The wise man tried to help on the issue of life:

1. Club scene: Too much mistrust...and it's expensive
2. Online dating: Too impersonal...and it's expensive
3. Mutual friends: Too risky...and it's expensive (for your ego)
4. Blind date: Too dangerous...and it's expensive (for your safety)
5. Arranged marriage: Hey!!!!!
6. Free social events: Too imprecise...but it's cheap
7. Hook-up: Too immature...and it's expensive (for your reputation)
8. God: Come again?

Well, you've tried the clubs, bars, dating (blind, online and hook-up), what would it cost you to give God a try...hum, maybe the fact that the only link between God and relationships I have heard of stems from a certain area of not doing something, before someone becomes something for you at some time...it was not the best PR compaign, but it had merits healthwise.

Well, in lights of the strong desire to settle, and the desperate mood at hand, I say why not...if God fails too, at least we will all know what stands at the end of the road...or I could have a last option in the Pay-for bride russian thingy...lol

So this is the mission: Chronicle the evolution of dating, Bible style. To love or not to love, secular or Christian way, this is the objective. First step: What to look for?

The Challenging statement: I am Christian, but emanicpated, or I am single, but Christian...hum!!!