I can justify or try to explain my mistreating young girls emotionally during my teen years on confusion, and passing on great girls to ignorance. At such a young age, very few are perceptive enough to project whom among their hormonal-fueled conquest will turn into wonderful brides.
I can't however clear my name from failing to recongnize those I had within my grasp and let go, only to find them as beautiful wives to another in the future. From the time I was able to formulate the desire to be part of a couple, I met many women who were just not cute enough, not hot enough, or simply had one too many flaws...granted I am not perfect, but I wanted a woman whose imperfection is perfectly imperfect as mine...makes sense?...Nah...let's move on...
Where I failed to find, I assumed God would, because for every woman I passed on, I bet on the best has yet to come. Today, I remember praying for it at least once...I stand in front of God's throne and ask him not why He never answered my prayers, but why He stripped me of a simple opportunity...and then, just as if someone was whispering in my hear, I heard the name Anita.
Anita was beeautiful, ok maybe not beautiful, let's say she was cute..meaning she was not WO!, she was not yick! either, she was clearly above average, kinda of "hey there, how ya doin?" She was not the intimidating beauty, not the passable chick you get just to say you have a girl no one will make fun of you for, but she was a cute girl, approachable, that certainly brings the reaction "where the hell was she when I was single...?"
Anita was also extremely annoying because she talked a lot, especially to me, she was invasive and noisy by always trying to know everything about me, and too intelligent for her own good. She would not get it when I would be mean to send a message, and on top of it, despite a strong confident personnality, she still wasn't wild enough to do the nasty stuff...in other words, she was that primary school friend who has a crush on you...yeurk...
I dated girls who could not measure up to her just so she will understand the image I had of a female friend, I disregarded her act of kindness aimed at hinting her feelings, and finally I ran off with the one girl she warned me against...she finally got the message and moved on, and I felt free at last, and only a little guilty...:-(
Today, in my prayers, I ask God to help me find someone I can talk to, someone who understands me, someone who is interested in what I do and how I feel, someone who reminds me that Love is much more than physical attraction and a social trophy, someone who can be my world, and whose world I will be...someone who looks at me and treats me like...Anita
I had her, all I needed to do was grow with her, all I needed to do is be patient, all I needed to do is see the woman she could later be, and not simply looking at the young woman she was at the time.
The writings were on the wall, and my only excuse is that I did not know how to read yet...
I saw Anita again...still very interesting and sweet to talk to...and ten times hotter than one could imagine...she was also married to some jerk...ok, he's not a jerk...but I still don't have to like him...yeah am bitter..so what...
They say that communication is the secret weapon of healthy relationships, I've known it already, and yet I passed on the one woman I could easily talk to. It is not wrong to be drawn by the beauty of a person; however if you plan a road trip, don't drive with someone who looks good in the car, but makes you doze off behind the wheel; drive with someone you can talk to while driving, the trip will be much much more enjoyable and you might stay awake.
I learned my lesson with Anita, and promised that if I ever fall in Love again, I will be sure that the lady is a friend...
I can understand God's position on this, look at the inner qualities, choose a woman according to the ultimate goal and not the short time gratification, trust the woman she will turn out to be, because like yourself she is a work in progress, I guess I was stuck on the verse where He says "enjoy the woman of your youth" (proverbs 5:18)...I was young, so really I can plead ignorance on that one...so why is there another name being whispered on my hear???
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