Late Rendez-vous

I had a date recently, the first under the new me. We had many encounters, but this was our first dinner.

The surprising nervousness, the unusual shyness and the unexpected anxiety, all before a date is quite bizarre for a guy…I guess it’s true that when it really matters, you’ll feel the jitters.

It matters because I am in this date for the whole season, not just a victory on a first game. It is a first in a long time, I am not simply focused on the end of the night, and I am proud of me.

My date is beautiful and engaging. Her conversation is stimulating, and I love the way she circle the top of her glass when she’s talking. She has the most adoring giggle that is sensual, yet natural enough to show she’s real. There are not enough words to describe the sweet swirl she does with her hair when I talk and the warm kindness when she nods in agreement. I am charmed by her smile, mesmerized by her eyes and seduced by her mind. My eyes are teary because of the intense concentration I have to do to avoid glancing at the inviting presence of her cleavage…she knows I want to look, she doesn’t mind me looking, just doesn’t want me to stare; 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17…Yes! 17 seconds looking into her eyes while she talks…beat the record by 4.

This woman is perfect, she is an expert dater, she knows all the right moves, all the right interaction; a strong woman that still allows you to feel like “the man”. She could be the one.

She stood up for the ladies room after the meal, and I was in awe at the flawless shape of her elegant silhouette; as I followed her walking, I noticed that I was not the only man admiring her, a fellow patron from the bar looked at me and gave the thumbs up.

When she came back, I offered her desert; she smiled, looked at me in the eyes and said: “I think I’ll take desert home tonight.” As she were saying that, I felt her foot gently touch my leg, a simple touch that felt almost accidental, but gentle enough to make me realize that tonight, I am the desert.

Oh, how I wished this had happened a few years early…when wisdom was a foreigner, and faith was a mystery. This would’ve been so easy if this was a one night stand woman, instead of one in search of a long term union.

I will never forget the look of deception on her face when I told her that I don’t think it was a good idea to spend the night together. First it was surprise, then followed shock; after the shock, it was deception with a hint of despair…finally came the questions.

“Let me guess, you are married?” she asked; negative I reassured her. “You have a girlfriend?” Nope, still not that. Then she thought it was a baby mama situation, or maybe that I didn’t really like her, she even asked if I was gay…good lord…even if I was, she would’ve turned me straight that night.

“You are single, right?” she finally asked. “Yes, I am” I finally answered; “I am single, but Christian.”

She looked at me one last time, and nodded in understanding, holding tears. She couldn’t blame me, but she couldn’t wait for me. She had waited too long, searched for too long. This is America, this is 2010…people do it before getting married, people need to know if they’re compatible in bed…people have no time to play spiritual quizzes…she was a woman ready for the real deal, I was a man captive of his principles. I could understand what it took out of her to feel this was "the night", and I can respect the courage it took to openly declare it; she probably thought hard about it, hesitated before finally judging me worthy to be one to sleep with.

She left me there at the restaurant, both feeling like we wasted each other potential best night, and both embarrassed by what happened, it should've been the other way around…the man who gave me the thumbs up looked like he wanted to beat me up too…

Single, but Christian, I kept thinking…”But Christian”, like it is a flaw…is it?

I came back in the game looking for something God said was good, but then I feel like I do not belong, because I am of God…

Single, But Christian, I should say ‘Single, AND Christian” with pride, but tonight, I cannot deny it…it is Single, BUT Christian.

She was a good woman, with a great heart open for Love. We were both looking for the same thing; we just had different rules before getting it. Maybe one of us will change, I hope not me...

For what I stood for, I felt that I paid a price, but with the hope that God would eventually pick up the tab, because that is my only chance to stop saying “Single, But Christian”. Maybe next time, I will start with that, it may eliminate any false expectations.