Bachelor Party

When a woman tells her friends that she is getting married, they are all excited, jump, hug, etc…, then they start sharing ideas about the wedding and planning it; of course, there is also the consummate single who will think deep “why her?”

When a man tells his friends that he is getting married, they first think it’s a joke, then they ask him if he’s crazy, and why, why…why? If he is serious, they congratulate him, and as always looking for the best in the situation, they are excited, jump, hug, etc….then they start sharing ideas about the Bachelor Party and planning it…bachelor Party…whoooo!!!!

The best part about being part of a wedding for me was the Bachelor party…the combination of alcohol, music and naked woman was probably to me why men are afraid to die and leave the earth…

“Drink a lot, party like crazy and have naked women, for this is the sole duty of man” (TheManbook, Chap 2, verse 6)…sounded so real to me. After all, this is why men work, to have a lot of money, so they can have power, and party with naked women…clubs, bars, etc…are nothing but a diluted, moderate version of strip clubs; without sensitive intrusive people, all we’d have are strip clubs….

To indulge in the event of a Bachelor party carries two traditions, (1) burying with salvo your youth, and celebrating the end of your bachelor life; (2) enjoy for the last time, the joy, bliss and freedom of your single life.
It sounds noble and almost fair for your buddy who wishes you the best final night before you head in prison….Prison?

Yeah, prison, the more I am engulfing into my Christian life and contemplate marriage, the more I am puzzled about this once sacred tradition. For one, I wonder what is it I am really celebrating, and why the typical formula of a bachelor party is needed.

To begin, if you made the decision to get married, it is probably because you are tired of your single life; so yes you should celebrate its end. The issue is that to celebrate the end of your single life with all the perks of the single life sounds more like temptations to me…if I spent all my life as a bachelor, why do I need one last night that in most cases is better than the average nights of my single life? If anything it will make me want to stay single. Then there is this all stripper, prostitute tradition, why would I want to dance on a thin line before my marriage? What if things go out of hands…do I really want to begin my next life with a secret? Finally, looking at the bachelor party like the last night of freedom is quite a way to make a man appreciate his decision, and you wonder why so many have resentment for their spouses.

I want to bury my single life, and I will celebrate its end, but I do not want to remember it with memories of booze, fun, dances and naked women…because the bitter the memories of my single life, the greater my appreciation for my wife.

The Bachelor party is rightfully a party to bury the bachelor life; but the party should lead to the celebration of the future wife and marriage, not create a memory bank of sexy events where to withdraw emotions from when the marriage is temporary overdraft. But since the groom-to-be is rarely in charge, if he is Christian…here is the time to take a stand.

In the case where you are single but Christian, you are torn between the chances to have some wicked fun with an already made excuse, or find way to pass, and get a rain check at the wedding...tough tough...

Truth is, the more you enjoy other people's Bachelor Parties, the less the chance you'll have your own...

P.S: By the way, same goes for the bachelorette party as well…..

Late Rendez-vous

I had a date recently, the first under the new me. We had many encounters, but this was our first dinner.

The surprising nervousness, the unusual shyness and the unexpected anxiety, all before a date is quite bizarre for a guy…I guess it’s true that when it really matters, you’ll feel the jitters.

It matters because I am in this date for the whole season, not just a victory on a first game. It is a first in a long time, I am not simply focused on the end of the night, and I am proud of me.

My date is beautiful and engaging. Her conversation is stimulating, and I love the way she circle the top of her glass when she’s talking. She has the most adoring giggle that is sensual, yet natural enough to show she’s real. There are not enough words to describe the sweet swirl she does with her hair when I talk and the warm kindness when she nods in agreement. I am charmed by her smile, mesmerized by her eyes and seduced by her mind. My eyes are teary because of the intense concentration I have to do to avoid glancing at the inviting presence of her cleavage…she knows I want to look, she doesn’t mind me looking, just doesn’t want me to stare; 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17…Yes! 17 seconds looking into her eyes while she talks…beat the record by 4.

This woman is perfect, she is an expert dater, she knows all the right moves, all the right interaction; a strong woman that still allows you to feel like “the man”. She could be the one.

She stood up for the ladies room after the meal, and I was in awe at the flawless shape of her elegant silhouette; as I followed her walking, I noticed that I was not the only man admiring her, a fellow patron from the bar looked at me and gave the thumbs up.

When she came back, I offered her desert; she smiled, looked at me in the eyes and said: “I think I’ll take desert home tonight.” As she were saying that, I felt her foot gently touch my leg, a simple touch that felt almost accidental, but gentle enough to make me realize that tonight, I am the desert.

Oh, how I wished this had happened a few years early…when wisdom was a foreigner, and faith was a mystery. This would’ve been so easy if this was a one night stand woman, instead of one in search of a long term union.

I will never forget the look of deception on her face when I told her that I don’t think it was a good idea to spend the night together. First it was surprise, then followed shock; after the shock, it was deception with a hint of despair…finally came the questions.

“Let me guess, you are married?” she asked; negative I reassured her. “You have a girlfriend?” Nope, still not that. Then she thought it was a baby mama situation, or maybe that I didn’t really like her, she even asked if I was gay…good lord…even if I was, she would’ve turned me straight that night.

“You are single, right?” she finally asked. “Yes, I am” I finally answered; “I am single, but Christian.”

She looked at me one last time, and nodded in understanding, holding tears. She couldn’t blame me, but she couldn’t wait for me. She had waited too long, searched for too long. This is America, this is 2010…people do it before getting married, people need to know if they’re compatible in bed…people have no time to play spiritual quizzes…she was a woman ready for the real deal, I was a man captive of his principles. I could understand what it took out of her to feel this was "the night", and I can respect the courage it took to openly declare it; she probably thought hard about it, hesitated before finally judging me worthy to be one to sleep with.

She left me there at the restaurant, both feeling like we wasted each other potential best night, and both embarrassed by what happened, it should've been the other way around…the man who gave me the thumbs up looked like he wanted to beat me up too…

Single, but Christian, I kept thinking…”But Christian”, like it is a flaw…is it?

I came back in the game looking for something God said was good, but then I feel like I do not belong, because I am of God…

Single, But Christian, I should say ‘Single, AND Christian” with pride, but tonight, I cannot deny it…it is Single, BUT Christian.

She was a good woman, with a great heart open for Love. We were both looking for the same thing; we just had different rules before getting it. Maybe one of us will change, I hope not me...

For what I stood for, I felt that I paid a price, but with the hope that God would eventually pick up the tab, because that is my only chance to stop saying “Single, But Christian”. Maybe next time, I will start with that, it may eliminate any false expectations.

The Luckiest Woman on Earth

I was barely 7 years old when imitating what I'd seen in a movie, I hand kissed a flight attendant, who charmed, told me that when I grew up, my wife would be the Luckiest woman on Earth.

I took the compliment like a prophecy, a blessing that was bestowed unto me, with the responsibility to turn it into a promise, a mission, then a reality.

By the time I reached my teenage years, I began to pay attention to what girls said, what they liked and resented about boys. With each complaints, I would take mental notes and convince myself that no girl attached to me would ever have to say such things about me.

Once I heard an older girl say that Guys only think about "one thing"; I said to myself, "not me, I am different."

Later on, I discovered that women were resolved to accept the fact that men are all unfaithful; I promised myself that I would never do that, and for that reason, my wife will be the Luckiest woman on Earth.

I taught myself to value and appreciate women in all their essence; I struggled but eventually learned to listen and understand their issues. I disciplined myself to offer an alternative to the lies, deceptions and negative perceptions they had. I did all that because I remembered that somewhere there is a woman that will be mine, and she will be the luckiest woman on Earth.

As I matured, I became more committed to my principles and values. I reinforced them with the addition of a spiritual life, and with the help of God, I started to display the confidence of a Man of God, who stands on the pedestal of Christian manhood.

My conviction in my path convinced me that my future wife should not only be the luckiest woman on Earth, but the prettiest and smartest as well. There were no issues, no examples, no criticisms that have plagued men all accross cultures, to which I couldn't claim "Not me, it does not apply to me." I was the one man who had never cheated, would never cheat, was loving, trusting, etc...it was not by accident, it was by design....all that for the luckiest woman on Earth.

The more I stood on my principles, the more I drew attention. Women began to knock on my door, some with a full Cistern to share, others with the offer to drink from their well, offers for passion, offers from defiance, challenges, curiosity, they all came...not to avail.

But the more my confidence grew, the more it transformed into arrogance; moreover, the longer I waited for that Lucky woman, the more disillusioned I became in her existence. I had lifted myself so high, that she too became unreal, just the fruit of my fantasies.

When my mind fell, my body gave up on me as well, and I succumbed to temptation. I responded to the many advances, masking my failure as a sense of entitlement. With each escapade, my esteem diminished, and hope became despair. Each women I slept with kept a piece of my faith with them. I was soon groveling in the dust on my belly, with a crawling neighbor, in his fallen form taunting me "How does it feel to fall down?"he would ask. There was no place on earth to hide my shame.

I then realized my mistakes, and the infatuation I had with an ability that was not by my own power. I realized that I had stopped believing in God, I had grown impatient, Proud and selfish. To recapture the dream and the promise, I had no choice but to raise my Hand to God, and accept His reprimands. He lifted me, looked me in the eyes and said "How does it feel to be back up?"

I kept thinking about what I did, and realized that there is a woman out there waiting for me, and at that very moment, with what I had become, she was not the Luckiest woman on Earth.

Before we go to an interview, we prepare ourselves although we do not have the job yet; when we are pregnant, we prepare the baby's room although it is not there yet, therefore shouldn't we prepare ourselves for our future spouse although he or she is not there? Making them the Luckiest person on Earth even before we have met them?

I resolved to forgive myself as God had forgiven me, and pursue the journey anew, with a few steps behind, but a giant leap in hope.

I since again wake up in the morning, and think: "right now, somewhere, there is a woman who may be the Luckiest woman on Earth."

The difference this time? I have God's permission to say so...

Swagger

Swagger could be the title of a dope song...
Swagger can also be quite a negative display of character
Swagger may very much define the ultimate level of confidence, a gold mine, say you...

Swagger, to have or not to have, thus is the dilemma; either you have or you don't. You have it, you are a flavor flav wanna be in an harem of stunning beauties, you don't, well you're that guy who reminds everyone of the sexiest man alive, yet you always top the list of eligible bachelors...

Swagger is an asset, a weapon, a tool, a mojo, etc...you name, it's good. Swagger is the VIP card in the dating club...

Swagger it seems has also an expiration date...

I use to have Swagger, a good Swagger too; I'd walk, they'd tremble. When I smiled, their heartbeat sped up, and when I spoke, they simply couldn't stay focus. In my eyes they'd be drawn, and all in itself, my presence was like an hypnosis session.

I had swagger, couldn't have enough women, and they couldn't get enough of me. It was a good life, it was a fun life.

Granted, there were a few lies, broken promises, deception and a certain disdain for commitment, but hey, I had swagger, so all was tolerable, acceptable and even rewarded.

But then I met someone of influence, someone who could help me when I was in need, someone I had to listen to. That person told me to treat others feelings with great care; that person added that it is better to give than receive, to endure than inflict, and to be honest regardless the pain and disappointment it may bring.

"She is first and foremost a creature of God." my friend said. "She is first your sister in christ before your wife and lover." that person added.

So from then, when I approach them, I am honest, sincere in my intentions. When they fall for me and it's not reciprocal, I confess rather than take advantage. When sweet opportunities presents themselves, I back down instead of pouncing like a wild animal.

Since then, when I walk in, they ignore it, when I smile, they frown; when I speak, they pretend to listen. In my eyes they see gentleness, and gentleness is not decisive.

My friend showed me the ways of God, and I accepted it. When I accepted Christianity, my Swagger license was revoked.

I became a Christian, but now I have no swagger, no fun and no life...

They said God gives us confidence, courage and a do it all attitude...yeah for all spiritual things; in this world I need swagger.

Christianity encourage me to have a woman, but to have a woman, I need my earthly swagger. It all looks like an hoax...like I was sold an SUV with a motorcycle insurance.

What gives? I want to ask God, but I am afraid, because when it comes to Swagger, God has the bigger one. So I pray that He'll just show me how to use His...

The ones that got away

How great and successful must the life of an ex be before they can be revealed as "the one that got away"? How happy must they be, and how miserable should we feel after our story never came to be to finally admit that they are "the one that got away"? Should they be an official "ex", a potential mate or just a temporary fling?

How excellent must our past relationships be? How many people must we love, leave, brake up with, pass by, ignore, deny, be denied by, before we can look back and said "I let that one got away."

Both men and women share that experience; there are places we look and long for Love, while there are moments where Love comes to us, either by accident, at the perceived worst moment, or in a seemingly much disguised form that we fail to recognize it. Either time, we make a decision to ignore the present moment in hope of a better future. We decide to wait, or pass up a perfectly fitting opportunity believing that there is more and better where we are going.

After a long journey, we finally realize that the other grass was only greener from far away, up close it is rather yellowish, brownish...yeah it is yeurk, and it is called single life...

While you are observing the damaged landscape of your romantic life, in the midst of large brownish spaces, they are a few green spots that serves as a reminder that this was once a fertile ground; it is at that moment that your friends become journalists and relay the scoops:

Friend A: Hey man, do you remember Nadine? I think she's finally over you man, she's dating a Pilot or something....

You: Really? wow, well It's good for her man, I hope she finds happiness.

You are really happy for her,
but you nevertheless feel a little like an expired product

Friend B: Hey, remember your ex Gina? Well, she's getting married to some kind a finance guru in the Bahamas; I was invited, but I ain't sure if I should go, you know since you and her...but I always wanted to go to the Bahamas, so...

You: C'mon man, Go, what's got to do with me, I already did what I had to do with her...if you see what I mean....have fun and tell her congratulations.

Relegated to send wishes to your ex via your own friend...
You look at him in the eyes;
Your eyes say "TRAITOR", his eyes say "LIAR".

Friend C: Yo, I ran into your former babe Meron, wow...she is uber uber Hot...why did you guys break up again? I thought she was so into you man...

You: Yeah, I mean...you know, at the time, it wasn't the right time...you know being ready, jobs and Sh***, but she was awesome, maybe it was a mistake, I don't know...

Friend C: Too bad dude, cuz she got a new man she seems to love, she said they got engaged last month...guy got that car you love, that german s***.

You: Yeah...guess I let that one got away....hunh?

This is why we always check on our exes in hope that they are still not over us...

Friend D: I thought Sabrina was ready to settle man, I mean you told me you were ready as well...what happened?

You: Say no more...I am a douche....

You spend the next months revisiting history, pondering on what could've been, what you could've done. You try to justify what was then, hoping to find peace in what is now. You never get over the fact that someone you could've been with is now happy with someone else; it is like dumping a stock only to see it gain major points the next day...sickening...

Most people have this one person they were madly in love with, one individual they really wanted to marry, etc..; however as time passes, every exes who jumps into the bliss of romantic success joins that elusive one...suddenly, there is no longer "the ONE" that got away, but "the ONES" that got away...

For the Christian man, it becomes a spiritual dilemma...maybe God is saving someone from me, maybe there was something God saw in them that would've been bad for me, maybe God this, maybe God that...it becomes so hard to conceive our inability to recognize and welcome happiness, that we blame a spiritual reality to the matter...

If God wants me to be happily married, then it makes no sense for me to still be single...must be His doing then...

God also said, no sheep can be snatched out of His hand, so the ones that got away? It’s on you...