The long haul

"I am in for the long haul!" I had told myself, prodding myself for a relationship I had not seen coming, but that I suddenly can't live without. The surreal moment is somehow like a twilight zone, one second you are dreaming, the next you are in the dream, and for a while you live with the anxiety that it will abruptly stop and transfer you back to reality.

I looked at her with every scrutiny I could, I examined her ever moves ad studied all the behaviors in hope of seeing that imperfection that could make me think "humm maybe not...", but even her flaws are attractive...I feel good...I actually think I am falling for this woman.

Earlier this week, I opened my computer and read that Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife of 25 years Maria had split; now I do not know them and do not care for the most part about what they do with their life, but 25 years. It ultimately brought a sad feeling in my heart and made me wonder the purpose of the exclusive union.

It is easier to examine a failed relation in its infancy, you can blame lack of education about serious relationships, jumping in too soon, too young, too quick, etc...for the most part, it is much easier to say "the signs were there from the beginning."

Granted, here too we can say, "he or she had a history of...", the point is that there are couples that split after 30, 40 years of marriage, even without infidelity in the relationship. This makes me feel like the excitement I have may be ill founded, there is no way to say I am in for long haul, there is no long haul, no certainty that this is for life, no evidence that this one is the one...so why torture ourselves with the decision, why...why?

She stopped later by my place for a movie and dinner (rather dinner then movie). I kept looking at her, the way she made herself comfortable with her bare feet on my sofa, how she grabbed my jacket to cover herself before I offered a blanked, how she decided to do the dishes, and involuntary teasing me with that little swirl when she was cleaning the counter-top (I like that).

watching her, I was thinking that I can see that for a long time, I like having her around, I love talking to her, she takes me in a place where pains, doubts and uncertainty are all but what they claim to be, and if so, why should I end up like the others? this is my story, this is my life.

After she left (and still no kissing), It hit me and I realized the importance of marriage. Marriage is not our own, marriage is not for us to define. Marriage is an institution, and it is not an institution of Love, it is an institution that uses Love as a foundation.

Marriage is not about Love, because what stops 2 people who love each other from spending a lifetime together? marriage is not gender neutral, because it is not the expression of manifestation of Love.

Marriage is a message, a message to society, and a message to the next generation. It is an example of the tolerance possible between a man and a woman, a testimony of the mutual understanding and growth between two genders that sometimes feel like they are from different planets. Marriage is a model, a model for society on a structure that solidifies the rearing system for the next generation.

Because Marriage represent all those things in which Love is simply an instrument like glue, when a couple breaks up after 25 years, it brings fear and distrust about the model. It brings uncertainty to the youngsters who are about to embark in that journey.

Marriage is not just about you, it is about that next generation who looks up to you as the best argument for marriage. Love and exclusivity can exist without marriage, but marriage is a testimony of your commitment and dedication for the one institution that solidifies the bod between the only human relation that brings forth life.

Arnold and Maria may have failed us in this regard,but as for me and those who will follow, I owe it to them to do my best. Next time I will see her, I will kiss her.