SLOTH

Among the 7 deadly Relationsins, Sloth is the one I call the "middle Child". Sloth rightfully assumes its position in the family pattern observed so far, as Vanity fuels Gluttony that itself gives birth to Avarice, which will give way to Sloth. At the same time, Sloth is particular among the first 3 in a way that it can stand on its own and destroy an existing healthy relationship.

The Linkage between the first three sins are so close that Vanity is such a stumbling block in building a relationship that either it is caught early and prevent the growth of the next two sins, or if ignored, it almost certainly will bring Gluttony and Avarice. Sloth is different; it can hurt a relationship in 2 ways:

1. As the continuation of the first 3 sins
2. As a new beast self-created.

In the first case, the damage has already been done, a proud handsome man knows he has game (Vanity), he wishes to settle down but knowing that he can have any woman he wants compels him to multiply relationships (Gluttony). He doesn't want to lose any of his conquests so he makes false promises, he doesn't commit, but still make romantic advances so the women keep hoping (avarice). Even the best of us cannot defy father time, and what the devil gives with right hand, he takes back with the left. even the most patient woman cannot wait eternally, even the most devoted lover can only stand so much betrayal, and when one by one disillusion by empty promises, they leave for other more secure and promising relationship, they nonetheless keep an eye toward the one they loved, just to see, just to catch a glimpse of change, just to see if maybe...

They will not see anything because although he is losing so many opportunities to finally settle down, The proud, the glutton, the greedy will not make a move. Proverbs 13: 19 says:

"It is pleasant to see dreams come true, but fools refuse to turn from evil to attain them"

As such, even as his dream sails away, that man cannot give away his habits and change his ways; the roots of his sin is too deep, the damages caused by his life choices are to strong, but most importantly, he has lost the will to try and work for it. His proud look has prevented him from ever working to get a woman, his gluttonous nature has convinced him that he will always have as many women as he wishes, and his avarice has blinded him to believe that they will never leave him. Easy success breeds complacency, and like an old emperor, vanity requires to never raise a finger. So the man panics, try to convince himself that it nothing but a drought season in his romantic campaign, but the result is the same, he is too lazy to pursue even one those women, he is too lazy to make the first move, he is to lazy to start anew and seduce a new woman to achieve his dream, he is even to proud and lazy to ask for God's help...which is why God said in Proverbs 19:24

"A slothful man hideth his hand in his bosom, and will not so much as bring it to his mouth again" or for a more blunt translation, "Lazy people take food in their hand but don't even lift it to their mouth."

Subsequently, the man laziness force him to be a spectator of his own demise where his slothfulness prevents him from ceasing even the slightest glimmer of hope that each woman is giving him.

Every relationship requires work, but not all of us start at the same level. Some have to work extra hard to even approach a woman, while others are blessed enough to really start working on kick-starting the relationship because women flock to them. At the end of the day however, they all demand work and energy, and for those who are too proud of their past achievement or lack of effort, Slothfulness is a sin that can doom a relationship before it even starts. When that happens there are only two ways to look at: Behind us are the regrets that reminds us of what could be, while ahead is the image of what could be, and when see that, we are faced with the second option: Envy

But before we look at Envy, we should remember that Sloth does not only target the proud insensitive who disregard others emotions; even in the comfort of a seemingly solid relationship, unlike the other sin, Sloth can still wreck havoc...

"Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap"

AVARICE

What could be the next logical step for someone who thinks that they are so good they should have anything, and therefore decide to acquire and consume all of it without moderation? Naturally, like that unique species we like to call C.E.O, those who have it all, are usually those who give the least...

Avarice or greed as a relationsin is quite a stinger and is different from the first two sins because it is more of a passive sin. While we are used to judge greedy people as individuals who consciously refuse to give or share, emotionally or relationship-wise, it may not be such a conscious act, but the natural repercussion or side effect of Vanity and Gluttony.

One may say that they deserve the best, and therefore constantly be on the lookout for something better; however, in the fallible human nature that we have, we always reach a point where the longing to be with someone eventually causes us to pause, if only momentarily, and consider someone good enough for us.

Some call it "settling", and reason that it is more so the result of being discouraged or tired of looking. The truth that I have learned is that "everybody settles", including those in the best relationships; and there is nothing shameful about settling for an imperfect person who is perfect for you in the imperfect world you live in that itself is full of imperfect people....that is actually the only perfect thing to do...

The issue that plagues those victimized by the sin of avarice is a total refusal to give or share their inner person, emotional being or intimate life with someone else.

How often have I heard or said "I have great qualities, and will be a great partner for the right person..." subconsciously, there is a revelation that only once we find someone deemed good enough, only then will we be willing to give our all; interestingly enough, Christian tradition recommend giving yourself emotionally before doing so physically, yet, society has distorted the dynamics to a point where it seems easier for many to give physically rather than emotionally.

Everybody has some type of deal breaker relationship-wise, and nobody would recommend blindly giving oneself without some type of safeguards. Emotional Avarice stems from the aversion to open oneself to the opportunity of happiness by willingly or unwillingly shutting your heart to anyone who might inquire or try to get in.

Emotional Avarice is placing limitations on how much a spouse, partner or romantic interest can get close and discarding their need for emotional reassurance, encouragement, comfort and appreciation.

Acts 20: 35 says that "...it is better to give than to receive..." that verse and many like it in Proverbs and 2 Corinthians 9 are so true when it comes to relationships. Those who yearn to build that healthy relationship cannot or should not be selfish to hold on their best qualities for the right person because they may not find that right person unless they display the character and qualities that will be appealing to the right person.

Whether it is the wonderful sense of humor, the innate caring attitude or the charming word of comfort, we all have exceptional character traits that may be appealing to the opposite gender even if they are not the ones to share the rest of our lives; nevertheless, they may help someone believe in Love again, or encourage somebody to trust and enjoy other's company, or even better, they may inspire a neutral party to set up a meeting with the elusive one...

Avarice is the refusal to let others in, or to rob them from the emotional need they are entitled to as partners. In many relationships, attention is one-sided because one party feels it is better to receive than to give, and many people are single because of the fear of being hurt if they let somebody in too close.

Everybody's life has the potential to impact another's life, but this will be impossible if we guard our hearts too close and refuse to share the best in us.

It is indeed greedy to feel that others can open up to us while we are too precious to return the favor; it is extremely selfish to deny the love of our lives of the emotional nurturing they deserve once they have exposed their vulnerabilities to us.

Greedy people are eventually lazy, since their vain and gluttonous attitude have led them to a level where they want, want, but never give. The consequences is a total lack of willingness to work for what is worthy, or simply harvest and maintain what they have acquired.

After Avarice has consumed the heart of people, SLOTH settles in, and this is how we see what use to be a loving and promising relationship turn into a bitter and agonizing living arrangement. It all Started with Vanity that promoted Romantic Gluttony, which in turn triggered emotional avarice that gave birth to a slothful companionship.

I am not stranger to vanity, but I am thankful that pride preceded the fall which taught me humility. Humility trained me to appreciate contentment, and resist the urge of romantic gluttony; but Avarice is a work in progress, and a subconscious bondage that is fueled by the fear of failure and betrayal.

3 out of 7 is not bad, and the remaining 4 are to me like a visit similar to Dante's Inferno where I have witnessed the consequences of Emotional Avarice unchecked.

The battle cannot be fought alone, and Avarice is without a doubt the turning point in what may be either the very long path to solitude, the reversal to a route of continuous happiness or the downfall to romantic disaster.

A critical turn that surely necessitate paying attention to SLOTH and the remaining Relationsins...

GLUTTONY

A cheater, a liar, a deceiver....No, a greedy Glutton...!!!

As a child, when I was first introduced to the 7 deadly sins, my friends and I started looking around and associate people with a deadly sin; Gluttony was fat people’s sin…I know kids are so cruel, right?

In plain description, as often referred to glutton in popular culture, this sin is associated with food, the pleasure of the table and the indulgence of the palates; in other words, Rachel Ray, Emeril, and Company are all sinners? Not quite, at least not for this purpose, Gluttony means over-indulgence and over-consumption of food, drink, or intoxicants to the point of waste. Naturally, for a child, one who is slightly overweight must have over-indulged themselves…

Although the Bible uses a few food analogies to describe sex (i.e. Drink Water from your own cistern [proverbs 5:15]), I will leave the food in sex combo for a future post..:-)

The key aspect of Gluttony in Relationships as a relationsin is more about over-indulgence and over-consumption, and follow right on the trail of Vanity. If we recall Vanity is an "excessive belief in one's own abilities, which interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise.”

Excessive belief in one’s ability almost always sends an invitation to self-entitlement, and self-entitlement usually hangs out with over-consumption.

Most of us remember the impact if being or seeing the new guy or new girl; the new guy needs to be slightly cuter than Frankenstein for all the girls to drool around him. “Have you seen the new guy? He is so cute”….Please…same goes to the new girl, who only needs to display a little sexy touch with a sprinkle of mystery, and there you go, “a new sun has risen!” not only the new girl is Hot, but she also stir a little competitive rumble as men want to be the first one to…oh silly youth…

Me, I grew up in the same place for 18 years, so I seldom knew what it was to be the new guy, after all, I had to be able to throw a stupid ball in a hoop 10 feet above ground to finally get some attention…geez, tough crowd I tell you…

Honestly, our infatuation with something new has to be blamed on our parents; from an early age, we learn that new is better, new means old is out to the garbage, new means reward, new means growth, progress, new, new, new, we want everything new…

As we grow up, most parents teach us how to steward what remains efficient, conserve what is still useful, and resist the Vanity to acquire something new just to keep up with the Jones. But despite their parental skills, many of us retain the mysticism that is associated with something new. Society reinforces the notion that a new product is better, the new color is sexier, new and improved they say, as a result, we consume, consume and consume without ever being fully satisfied.

When exported in relationships, Vanity and over-consumption is lethal and painful. Vanity makes us believe that we have earned the very best, while over-consumption tricks us in endlessly looking for something better.

We want a lady in the street, but a freak under the sheet; a gentlemen to open us the door, but a thug to rough us up. We want to work for an oil company that protects the environment, and an army that promotes peace with a nuclear weapon.

Talk about over-consumption? How about an open relationship, where we want both the exclusivity of a committed relationship, yet retain the flexibility of the single life; or the bi-sexual identity where one desires the conformity of heterosexual union, while satisfying the lust of homosexual attraction without having to choose. Mistresses, booty calls, sex buddies, etc…they all fall under the same basket of wanting everything at the same time; Gluttony.

The fear of commitment is actually the fear of passing on something better down the road; we always have to keep our options open. We want to indulge ourselves with the physical pleasure without being responsible for the emotional needs.

As I used to put it: “women are like dishes, eat it while Hot, throw it if it gets cold.”

Not proud of myself, but this is what we see, we multiply sexual partners as if we were on a mission to indulge ourselves with every partners possible. I always wonder if medical breakthrough against STD were more about defeating diseases, or ensuring that we do not alter our lifestyles…go figure

We are emotional and sexual gluttons, vain enough to think we deserve all the pleasures without working for it, and our gluttony causes us to demand more and more without ever being satisfied. Our partners have to be the top physical specimen, the most financially secure, the best sexual performer, and the most dignified human beings. As for us, we are here to consume, benefit from everything they can give us, until something better comes along, someone new, maybe younger, with bigger boobs, larger muscles, nicer booty, prettier face, larger bank account, etc…

Gluttony in relationships is that attitude that our partners are never good enough, that there is someone better out there for us, so we need to always stay on the lookout. The issue is that by constantly looking on the outside, we stop paying attention to those on the inside. We neglect what is worth working for, and prepare ourselves for the eventuality of something new.

Contrary to the Vain person who puts itself on a pedestal where few can approach him or her, the Glutton makes temporary promises that are ultimately broken; unable to secure a stable place, the glutton consumes relationships after relationships, partners after partners, leaving a trail of broken hearts behind him or her. The sad part is that one day the glutton will have no strength to feed itself, and will die of emotional starvation because nobody will be there to put up with its romantic Gluttony.

"Vain people usually never see any beauty in the world, but only in themselves... That is why everything around them, sooner or later, dies"; likewise, Emotional gluttons can never appreciate what they have, which is why everything they try to build always breaks, is abandoned and dies.

1 timothy 6:6 says "Godliness with contentment is great gain.”

So here is my Mea maxima Culpa: I have made great strides on Vanity, and have put a knife on my throat to avoid over-consuming. The problem is that I have yet to master contentment, so while I am safe from self-indulgence and over-consumption, I am unable to pick something or someone I may be content with. What does one do when he cannot choose, but is afraid to abuse, misuse or lose all? He keeps it in a safe, pretending to protect it, claiming to be able to make a choice later…however before he knows it, he doesn’t want to choose or let go, and finds satisfaction in keeping all to himself…he has fallen to the logically next sin: Avarice

VANITY

Vanity is a grave sin to carry, a very bad personality trait to have, and an even worse characteristic to display. Nearly all religion, wise saying and cultural proverbs warn against, discourage or condemn vanity. Things seems a little better when it is used in another term, mainly Pride; although it still carry some uneasiness, Pride can be used in positive ways such as the pride of a family, of achievement, etc...it is not bad to be proud of oneself when justified. Vanity, however seems to be pride carried to the negative in Biblical proportion. Vanity seems more appropriate to the context, but truly, satisfaction is also more appropriate in describing the positive angle of Pride.

Some way to look at it would be that Pride is the root of the problem, which if kept unchecked evolves into vanity...yeah...right, in this case however, it will be the same, and as stated in the Bible, Proverbs 16:18 says

"Pride precedes a disaster, and an arrogant attitude precedes a fall"

Again, Pride is the motivation, Vanity the attitude that goes with it, but they're all in family of sin...hi hi hi...actually, not so funny when it comes to relationships. vanity/ Pride is crucial in establishing our attitude before entering a relationship. We are often bias regarding that attitude, because pride ultimately affects the way people look at themselves and others; consequently, when a man is arrogant and proud of himself, many women say that he has swagger, Charisma, manliness, Macho qualities, etc...too few tend to realize that those qualities more than often belittles the women he comes in contact with, and half of the time tends to treat them as objects to be conquered. Similarly when a woman feels so hot she can't be in contact with mere mortals, men are on her trails viewing her as playing hard to get, having an attitude, confident, all which is sexy until it is revealed that she has outer wordily expectations of men, demands a treatment unfit to what she gives in return and requires praises on things that honestly needs a giant flashlight to be found.

What follows are compliments from left and right that convinces one that they are at a certain standard in the numerical scale of dating terminology, which causes opportunities and hearts to be lost or broken. "you are a 10 girl, he's just a 6, you can do better than that"; "Brother, if you end up with a white girl, it's a waste a sexy blackness"; "he's not a your level, let him get a job first"etc....

Pride, and an overly exaggeration of who we are causes us to forget that Christ often refers to his Church as his bride, and in all fairness, the NO-Sin Christ married a quite UGLY bride that was in no way at his level.

When we are consumed with what we should get, we forget what is our main objective. While it is unreasonable to just jump blindly in a relationship that is doomed to fail, we must keep in mind that successful relationships are more about what we mutually bring to the other person, than what we get out of it.

A wise man once told me that "A dating relationship is not a destination in itself...the only valid purpose of dating is marriage."

I disputed that fact until I realized that if not for marriage, then I am either dating with the objective of breaking up a some point, or for the mere desire of using someone else for my emotional or sexual gratification; the first reason is stupid, the second is not very noble.

If I understand the destination, then the specifics change, the size of the bra, the sexiness of the walk, the form of the hips, the curve of the...ok ok...you get the point...bottom line, priorities change.

Physical appearance is the first thing that draws us to someone else, hence are important in establishing the first approach, yet, thinking too much about what or who we should be with defeats the valid purpose of dating, and sets us for disastrous relationships.

Society conditioned us to handpick the race, the eye and hair color, the voice, the size of the chest, the curve on the hips, the height, and the size of you know what, all in the name of diversity and choice. Society also makes us believe that some people are a 10 while others are 2. We end up looking at a camel to help us cross the North pole.

If we humble ourselves, and look at others not as their abilities to match a Glamour or GQ cover, but as their qualities to be devoted partners and fit parents, we may all get the thumbs up from God.

I have fallen guilty of thinking that I could always do better, but the insatiable thirst for human perfection only left me running after a mirage; pride truly precedes disaster, Vanity is a succulent meal that never satisfies hunger.

Vanity or Pride is the first Sin that prevents many single from enjoying a promising relationships, and condemn others from benefiting from a healthy one.

The ability to get over Pride or vanity is a huge step that opens the door of relationship success, but it is like a resume, what it does is really get you through the door...you've accomplish much, but there is still work to do...like getting over the side effect of vanity, such as Gluttony?

Prov 23:29, "A person's pride will bring him low, but a lifestyle of humility will attain honor."