The Judgement Date of a Christian

It goes without saying that the early steps of a romantic relationship are marred with agony of "screwing up". For many, those early stages are extremely difficult because you do not really know the other person, and you are also unsure of what is working or not. How often is it that one person is believing that he or she is doing the right move, only to find out that they have been sabotaging themselves all along...

This traumatic rite of passage takes an even more bizarre turn for the Christian soul who while engaging in a...let's face it, non-biblical activity (Dating is NOT in the Bible), is also confronted with upholding the Christian standard.

I thought I was pretty good at this balancing act, I could easily date Christian and non-Christian alike and never appear too "Worldly" or too "religious"; but as I attempted to live up to my beliefs and walk according to my faith, it seemed that everything became black or white with no shade of grey. when the scripture says in Hebrew 4:12 that "For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." I found it to be so true.

The more I tried to be a good man of faith, they harder it became to accommodate and find a common ground with people. When I stood to my guts, I felt intolerant, when I didn't, I felt unworthy.

When you combine this "existential" crisis with the first fight in a relationship, it gets explosive.

All was good with my Dulcinea, we had found a balance, and although not as committed as I was to the faith, her moral values were without reproach...until I made the rookie mistake to get involve in one of her girly shows. The rule usually is "watch it with her without actually watching it... "

When the subject of sex, pregnancy and a single mom was brought up, we suddenly found ourselves on different sides of the road; we had had our share of debates, but it was always an intellectual excercise. Now we were facing the moral dilemma of one advocating no sex before marriage (me...yeah weird), and sexual freedom (her...cool right...not at that moment).

Upon hearing her position, I tried to back down, hoping that this will be my ticket in, but she called my bluff, and I realized that I almost betrayed my principle. So I climbed back on the horse, and defended my views, knowing fair well that it would lead to a religious debate. She stood in front of me, promoting the virtues of women emancipation and right to choose when, where and with whom.

As the discussion raged, I looked at how beautiful she were when angry, how intense she was and how wrong it felt in my heart to fight with her. I feared that I was losing her..."you lose an angel but you win 1 with God", I kept repeating to myself...

After an intense half hour dispute, I held firm and her, well...she was there, still beautiful, still very sexy and intelligent, just like the first time I met her, but similar to that day, she suddenly felt inaccessible.

We parted ways on a bad note that day, and it has been a week and a half with no news. I never knew it would hurt this bad. I am tempted to blame God since it is for His name that I am sad today.

I retraced all my steps and ponder on every decision I made in that relationship. Am I victim of my faith, or did I go too far with my beliefs? In the depth of my heart, I can only pray that it is our first fight, even if everyday, I lose a little hope.

Christian, Modern or Modern Christian man

There is a moment in every man's romantic quest where success breeds more doubts, a crossroad where he ponders if she savor the victory and enjoy the spoils, or recreate the feeling and expand his kingdom.

I am talking here about that instance where luck, destiny, opportunity, etc...are in the secondary plan, and you have actually succeeding in getting the woman you wanted all the way, even doubting at times that will succeed.

After a arduous labor of courting, dinning and wooing, you have finally broken the hard shell of a woman who you just discovered is nothing else than a sweet, fragile and loving being with all eyes for you. at this precise moment, if it is the first time, most men have 2 reactions:

1. Thank you God, now do not screw up and make her happy...
2. Damn...it worked? I am good...let me see if I can do it again...

When the hunting technique has been solidified and proven, some settle for the sure and secure diet, while others go on a hunting spree to solidify the new status of a predator.

Here I come, not unlike my peers, fully confident in my abilities, yet secretly pondering about all the missed opportunities...what to do...what to do...? the schools of thoughts offer two radical views.

The modern man is all about "scoring", honing your skills and increasing the quality of women you meet while making sure that you still get laid.

The Christian man is more about being patient, stroking this gentle flower on the right side of the petal, making sure that not a stem is bent or broken for an everlasting bliss under the loving and tender eyes of the almighty God.

Then there is us...The Modern Christian man, who longs for this precious dove to whom to be faithful and caring, but who also wants to get laid and being reminded every day that he made the right choice even when the grass looks so much greener on the other side.

Spoiled, difficult, stubborn and immature? maybe, but also honest, dedicated and confident in his expectations. The longing of a Christian man are no different than those of a modern man, while the modern man never stops looking for what the Christian knows exactly where and how to find.

It is exactly like riding a bicycle, before I complained that I had lost my swagger and touch, and prayed to get just one more chance; but now that I am back in the game, it is hard to appreciate that one chance because suddenly, everything works again, the subtle look, the seductive smile, the bold yet complete BS of a conversation...I feel fixed...now I tempted to catch up for lost time and spring my wings again...

But should it be at the expense of a woman who helped me rediscover myself? regain confidence in myself? show me that I can be trustworthy? made herself vulnerable to me?

Is she that disposable? Is this what I was in it for? At the beginning of the quest, all I wanted was to "get my mojo back"...now I thought I had it back, but it feels different.

I remember the words of author Leon Kass, when he said: "For it is a woman’s refusal of sexual importunings, coupled with hints or promises of later gratification, that is generally a necessary condition of transforming a man’s lust into love."

He is right, I have changed, she has changed me, and within that change is the essential transition from modern man, to Modern Christian man to hopefully full Christian man. For the both of us, this can only be promising.