On Valentine's Day

I feel like an Idiot…and if I think about it closely, I may very well call myself an idiot. I cannot believe the weight of miscalculation that could possibly doom my future relationship before it has even started.

Here I just met a beautiful and intelligent woman, had the boldness to talk to here, and the courage to ask her out, without even realizing that Valentine’s Day is coming before our date.

I now seat here all perplexed, wondering what I must do or even worse, what she must be thinking; she must’ve known that Feb 14^th was coming; did she find it strange that I skipped the day to set our date? Wouldn’t it be weird to meet right after the so-called Love Day and discuss how it went, knowing all too well that we had already set an interest in one another when it happened?

I want to reason myself into thinking that it would’ve been too much pressure to set up a first date on Valentine’s Day, it is socially awkward. It is plain stupid to bring flowers, chocolate or a card when you do not even know if you will be compatible to date…but not doing so is simply weird when everybody around is adorned with Red passion.

Who cares about Valentine’s Day anyway, isn’t it another pagan, bloody event that was converted into the very thing it doesn’t emulate?

Besides all that, I am fearful of engaging into a subconscious self-sabotage action. Maybe deep inside of me, I already want this entire effort to be fruitless. I sometimes reflect on the fact that the want of a thing is sometimes more than its worth; maybe the yearning of Love is more exciting than Love itself. I always ask those who have married before me, or finally gotten in a relationship: Does the time we spent talking about it, hoping and wondering about it worth the real thing? Now that you have achieved it, if you could look back, are all the questions you asked before hand answered?

I always imagined how it would be to be married, in a serious relationships, how weird and how scary; many what ifs in the probable change of life. Now that it seems right around the corner, I fear that I am not as excited as I hoped to be.

I do nevertheless anticipate the beginning of the journey, and the image of my Belle is sculpted in my brain. Maybe my apprehension about this entire Valentine’s Day thing is an indication of how precious I already view a relation that has yet to start.

No one tests the depth of a river with both feet, I already announced my arrival, all I need to do is handle the situation one step at the time, and hope that I have not set myself for failure.

I will simply call her, chat for as long as she wants to and wish her a “Happy Valentine’s day”, with hope that we will celebrate the next one together.