ENVY

Green with Envy, the grass is always greener on the other side. Years ago, there was a trend, that still exist today, that a man seductive apogee was in display when he could put under his spell and win over a woman that had already given her heart to another man. Stealing another man is a challenge most men love to undertake, and there are countless stories and fables that praises the audacity, the charm and the tenacity of those who can achieve such a feat. Everybody remembers how the battle of troy began, and almost everyone has heard a song where the singer tells another man “your girl wants me”.

There is something about wanting this forbidden fruit attitude that almost makes it acceptable to go after another man’s girl, some girls even like the attention as it probably gets them closer to the old day duels where men would literally fight over a woman.

Biblically speaking, it is another story, and it begins with the 10 commandments in Exodus 20: 3-17. Commandments 7 and 10 clearly admonish first adultery and covetous of someone else wife. Proverbs 6 even indicate that it is better to be a thief than to commit adultery.

From a relationship perspective, the Sin of Envy is a two edge sword, and is like greed on steroid. Greed is centered on self-gratification; envy thrives on another’s misery. Envy follows the trail of Sloth because when slothfulness has eliminated the ability to appreciate and maintain what we have, or the will to work for what we want; all that is left is the hope to satisfy the desire without working for it. Envy is not merely the desire to obtain what someone else has; it comes with the unfortunate baggage of hoping that someone loses the object of desire to our benefit.

If already in souring relationship, two choices are presented: if the relationship was doomed from the beginning, then of course, the exit door must look like the gates of heaven, no issue there, Get out! However, if what was once a vibrant union is dying out because of lack of care or slothfulness, Envy will feed of the success of other’s relationships. Most people think their house is a mess because they compare it to the gate of their neighbor. In our very intrusive culture where the intimacy and privacy of people is scrutinized, glorified or exaggerated, couples are constantly faced with comparison to other couples; they look happier, more in love, etc….

Being envious of another couple or relationship causes people to denigrate their own or insert themselves into the successful relationship of others, and since three is a crowd…the glamorous cheating comes to the rescue.

Every relationship is unique and has its own DNA, and although other couples seem happier, it is often better to know if the appearance is true, if it is, emulation should happen as a couple, for the sake of improvement rather than escape.

The other side of the sword comes with the desire to enter a relationship; the sight of successful relationship may alter the view of a finish product. Many people see their BFF with the perfect mate and because they want the same thing, the inexplicably find themselves drawn to the off-limit person. They are so envious that they forget what the BFF has gone through to have such a person, what effort has been undertaken before the couple is as happy and close as they are.

She looks at a her friends boyfriend and thinks he is the perfect man, exactly what she looks for, and her envy blinds her from the fact that she can look for her own, slothfulness discourages her from having to search when the perfect guy is right there; proximity intensifies her envy and soon, she makes a move, if he is an idiot, she destroyed a relationship, if he is a noble man, she destroyed a friendship.

I keep two rules when it comes to envy: 1- it is much easier to break a relationship than to build one, so don’t think you are a better man if you succeed in stealing another man’s girl. 2- If you are focus on working on your own relationship, you won’t have time to envy someone else’s.

To envy is to be jealous, and jealous rarely wishes well to those we are jealous of. As a relationsin, Envy is the sin, that takes you out of the relationship, although you may physically still be in. The focus is on destroying others rather than building what you have.

Proverbs 14:30 (KJV)
A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.

Sloth 2

One can successfully hide vanity in order to successfully begin a relationship, sooner or later, that Vanity will invite siblings such as Gluttony and avarice that will consume the relationship. Because vanity is the source, Gluttony and Avarice are equally capable to make way into a relationship, but always in concealed form. The players, womanizers and self-centered people often succeed in hiding those ugly traits that are rooted in their ego, but sooner or later, their negative impact burst out and kill the relationship.

Sloth is different because rather than being concealed, it creeps in. In the previous post on Sloth
we saw how the first 3 sins slowly engendered a Slothful nature that eventually prevents one from claiming redemption when available. That was the continuation of the first sins. Sloth unlike the other sins is not just something you can repress, it can catch you off guard and destroy all you have worked for, and in this way, it doesn't need vanity or the rest.

As a new Beast self-created, Slothfulness usually follows comments such as:

"When we first met, he uses to bring me flowers everyday, now he can barely notice me when I am changing."

Or

"When we met, she was so Hot, a perfect 10, now, when I stand next to her, we look like the number 10...and I am the number 1"

And it goes on and on and on...for countless relationships who remember the good old days, and lament in the "we use to..." "when we first met..." "you weren't always like that..." "if I knew that..."

This is the purest form of Sloth in a relationship; A man and a woman have worked hard to build their life together, love and support one another, and build moments they hope to cherish for the rest of their lives. They have resisted the vanity to think they are too good for so and so, they have restrained themselves for pursuing the lust of their Flesh and the craving for irresponsible love, and saw through the illusion of the other side being greener.

Like a test of fire, they have overcome social expectations and temptations to give to one another, hoping to receive great return on their emotional and romantic investment. What they, however thought was the end of the fight was only the first episode, and naturally, like all things that demand worthy effort, maintenance is the name of the game, which is where Sloth pounces.

The scripture says in Proverbs 12:27a: "The slothful man roasteth not that which he took in hunting."

This verse is such a truthful image of what happens to many men and women who assume that getting the man or the girl is the end result. If not to consume the food, then the hunt is fruitless, and in this case by consuming I mean fulfilling the long term purpose of the relationship...:-)

The other sins break hearts, hope, heart and promises, Sloth can do all these plus destroy lives. This is why of all the 7 sins, Slothfulness is the One I fear the most; because your earnest desire for a relationship may inspire to work on the first 3 sins, and the next 3 emerges because of Slothfulness, yet are more vivid and easily picked up as behaviors. Sloth on the other hand creeps in and usually reveal itself when it's almost too late, and can rarely be defeated alone.

Sloth is also the first sin that actively demand the participation of two parties to be conquered, unlike Avarice where one has to at least match what has been given freely, Sloth modifying a behavior and reigniting a passion that is dying. As it came in, so it shall be kicked out, a slow and challenging task.

With all the work that is initially done to start a healthy relationship, one can not afford to let down was the task is achieved, the relationship is the first child of the Love story, and requires constant attention and care. Proverbs 24:33-34 warns against that:

"A little extra sleep, a little more slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, then poverty will pounce on you like a bandit; scarcity will attack you like an armed robber."

Yeah, that is all it takes, a little birthday forgotten right here, a small compliment overlooked right there, a new dress unnoticed over there, or an innocent promise broken again, and slowly the lack of effort becomes the sign of disinterest and the mark of negligence. Suddenly we hear phrases such as "falling out of Love", "maybe we should go our separate ways, "maybe we should see other people", "I have been seeing someone else for..."

Sloth is romance own personal enemy, and even if it doesn't lead to separation, it transform the relationship in such a toxic environment, that all that is left is to envy the work others have put in theirs.

If you are busy taking care of your own grass, you will never envy how green your neighbour's is; however is you're too lazy to water your lawn, you neighbour's lawn will make you resent your own backyard.

Sloth hold us back when we need to go out there and start a relationship, Sloth makes us neglect the relationship we have worked so hard to build, and Sloth keeps us a the start of the race when we could be doing a victory lap.

Sloth can not be defeated alone, but needs the participation of your partner and the example of those who have walked that route.

Hebrews 6:12 That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

Whether is through prayers or self-motivation, I fight Slothfulness everyday, because Envy is a poison that contaminates everything in your life....

"Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap"